


Parachutes

by LadyMD



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Angels, Angst, Coldplay, F/M, Fate vs Free Will, Immortality, Jon and Sansa Are Not Related, Nontraditional Vampirism, Rating May Change, Romance, Slight OOC, Soul Bond, angel of death - Freeform, sansa is not a Stark - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-14 17:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 37,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10541457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyMD/pseuds/LadyMD
Summary: Sansa is an angel of death but she hasn't always been. She used to be someone's guardian angel – that is until, that someone turned immortal 110 years ago, rendering them unbound to each other. And that someone is Jon, a vampire who's been chasing a white shadow from his memories, only to find that this light he was searching, has been trapped in a life of darkness, and their meeting makes them bound once more.(Story inspired by Coldplay songs).





	1. Shiver

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. Each Chapter is based on a Coldplay song of the same title. It'll be better if you play the song in the background while reading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jumping the Supernatural train. Nontraditional Vampires and Angels.  
> Disclaimer: Image is not mine. Just found it on the web until I have time to make a fanart.

 

_**November 27, 1906** _

_**?** _

| So I look in your direction  
But you pay me no attention do you  
I know you don't listen to me  
'Cause you say you see straight through me, don't you?|

 

A white shadow hovered over a young man with hair the color of a moonless night that was wild and unruly in a tumble of messy curls. He was oblivious to her as he sat in front of his desk writing. The shadow then ghosted over in front of him and moved her face an inch closer to his. She saw his brow wrinkle and she knew of his worry. His older brother has been missing for months and was rumored to have been murdered. But she knew the truth.

She tilted her head and stared at him with unblinking blue eyes, then, with her translucent hand she touched his face in an attempt to soothe him.

She let out a sigh and as if from response the man suddenly looked up from writing as he somehow felt something. Blue eyes widened as gray eyes met hers. She could see. She could see everything about him. She could see every thought, every dream, every need, and every want. She could see his soul.

The hand she withdrew contemplated on touching him again but the man shook his head then looked back down to his writing.

Those gray eyes couldn't see eternal blue ones staring at him. They couldn't see the pink full lips that were slightly opened in wonder. They couldn't see the long wavy red hair that curled at the ends as they kissed the floor. They couldn't see the pale skin that stood out from the darkness of the room. They couldn't see that there were feet off the ground. They couldn't see the feathers rustling from flight.

The white shadow tilted her head and sighed once more. She flew behind the man and bent to whisper in his ear but decided against it. She knew he would do right even without her.

She continued to hover and watch as the young man ran a hand through his hair, yawned, and stretched. He then proceeded to climb on his bed. She watched him go under his covers and close his eyes to sleep. Floating just above him, she stared at his beautiful face then descended to lay beside him, and continued watching him like always for eighteen years.

She whispered good thoughts into his ear and stroked his hair though she knew he would never feel it but someday he would. And she would wait for that.

As she watched him sleep peacefully she looked on lovingly.

He smiled as she watched his dreams. He wanted to know if he needed to change for someone she somehow couldn't see. She would eventually see that person as days would go by but for now she watched on.

She then whispered peaceful things to him as well as build him up to be strong for what she knew was coming. She knew that even though her small voice could reach him, she could only go as far as plant seeds and suggest. Whether to water them would always be _his_ choice.

No matter what he chose, she would never leave him. Even through the darkest night, she would stay with him. Beings like her had too much love to bear grudges or any ill feelings. No. She would never leave him.

There was no doubt that beings like her loved their keepers. But hers was a love that was starting to cross boundaries – _not_ that it was forbidden.

She hummed with her voice like chimes as she rubbed his arms. She knew he couldn't really feel it but she wondered all the same if he somehow could.

The humming stopped abruptly when she felt him shiver a little and worry quelled from her eyes. She drew one of her large white wings closer until it covered the young man's body.

She started humming again and saw that the he relaxed his features and drifted to tranquility once more.

But there was something troubling her. She knew of what was to come the following days. He was going to need all the strength he had. But no matter what happens, she would wait for him.

Wait.

Because she could no longer see past what was going to happen after those days have passed. She would wait because she knew he needed her.

She would wait because she needed him as well.

She would do anything for him but there was only so much she could do. She has been watching him for all his life and she has loved him all those eighteen years. Yet…

There was a chance, she knew, that they could meet but again – _always his choice._

Ever gently, she caressed his face and marveled at how warm he felt. She wondered what he thought of her if he could really feel her.

Yes, she thought. She would wait for him. Always.

At times, she would think of how different it would be if she was something else.

" _And it's you I see, but you don't see me. And it's you I hear, so loud and so clear. I sing it loud and clear. And I'll always be waiting for you," she whispered before stopping herself._

Of course, those were only errant thoughts that she casts away casually. Beings like her have unconditional love that it was okay to have such one-sided love.

Someone like her entity was capable of being content to such great extents that to simply be given the opportunity to watch over someone as special as he was to her, was more than enough.

She smiled widely and kissed his forehead.

"Sleep well…"

And this was the first time I decided to keep an eye on them for the roads they will travel for the next few years. I could see their dreams, and in there, their hopes, their fears, their struggles, their joy.

I could also see the predator lurking near.

 

| And it's you I see, but you don't see me  
And it's you I hear, so loud and clear  
I sing it loud and clear  
And I'll always be waiting for you |

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wrote this years and years ago (oh college days) but as an original fiction my sister and I collaborated on, and also adapted it as a fanfiction for a different fandom. Now I'm trying to adapt this once again for this Jon/Sansa fandom I can't get enough of. This was inspired by Coldplay songs so you'll see lyrics scattered here and there and my obsession with the Angel of Death trope. I've been seeing some supernatural Starks stories and since I'm in the process of shutting down my old site, I wanted to rescue some of my more decent plots and I tried picturing if this one could work for Jon/Sansa, and it kind of does. I don't know. What do you guys think?
> 
> Also, by posting this, I've completed the set of writing different genres of stories. LOL. I have book/show-verse drama, Modern Drama AU, Modern Romcom AU, so naturally, I just need a supernatural one. Hahaha. Wait. I don't have a purely smut fic. Yikes. I don't know. So far I only wrote one sex scene and that was at the end of Where will we go for their wedding night. I don't know if that qualifies. Hahaha.   
>  
> 
> I'm not abandoning my WIPS!
> 
> Anyway, enjoy :)


	2. Death and All His Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The image is not mine. Just found it. Still trying to find someone (or pester my sister) to make a fanart for me. Hehe.

                                                                                     

 

| No, I don't wanna battle from beginning to end;  
I don't want a cycle of recycled revenge;  
I don't want to follow death and all of his friends 

And in the end, we lie awake  
And we dream of making our escape. |

 

_**December 1, 2016** _

_**Sansa** _

_Clang, clang, clang!_

My brow knotted the tiniest bit in seemingly irk as the whole of the perimeter stirred from the vibrations emitted by the clanging of the giant bells. I say seemingly because I can't really feel irk… just know that it's the appropriate response. Nonetheless, I was broken from my reverie. I waited for the infernal noise to drown out so I could have silence once more.

Snow.

Peering from my arms, I saw snow. I lifted my head leisurely, slightly breaking my effigy position. I was sitting on a rooftop with my head half buried in my arms that were wrapped around my knees. My wings were automatically folded over my figure as I pondered.

With my unblinking eyes I watched as a small white crystalline flake landed on my pale palm. Snow was supposed to be cold.

I couldn't feel it.

I couldn't feel most anything.

_Winter... cold and dead... white...black..._

Each season, I was assigned a place. This summer I was in Hardhome... During fall I was in Eastwatch-by-the-sea... you may perhaps say nothing has changed much...

Cold. Dead. White. Black. Many people were suffering. I wouldn't be surprised if they came to me, not I to them.

_Just be patient... I'm coming for you..._

I extended my wings and shook it. I watched as the white blanket that accumulated flung in all directions, unveiling black that rivaled the night sky.

I continued to watch with my head slightly tilted, as some of my feathers joined the snow – black against white.

Though I didn't need to blink nor close my eyes, I closed them and took an unnecessary deep breath. Once I opened them, I leant forward with my palm against my thigh to push myself in a standing position. I let my hair whip around my face as I looked down and scanned the scene from fifteen floors up.

Taking light steps forward, I stood over the ledge with my bare feet teetering. I knew that the wind blew low though I couldn't feel it. I knew because the small red and black bells that were tied with velvet around my ankles rang with it.

These bells were what I was identified with. Even before… though now they bore a new meaning.

_A warning._

With exaggeratedly slow movement in desire to delay, I turned around until my back was completely facing the edge.

With one final sigh, I closed my eyes and allowed gravity to take over as I took a step backward.

When I sensed the rush of the free fall, I opened my eyes gently. My eyelids were drooping as I gazed nonchalantly at the sky. I saw an endless gray with flecks of white swirling in a giant spiral.

I also saw glints of black as some of my loose feathers joined the gray canvass.

Slowly…

I remember.

My wings weren't black before.

I wasn't even gray.

I was white.

…Whiter than this snow.

My eyes lazily darted to focus on the silver glint that peeked out from the velvet on my right ankle. I averted my eyes at the same pace back at the sky.

_I used to be free._

As soon as I sensed I was nearing the ground, I tucked my arms to my side and flipped my body face down, my wings spread out and allowed me to glide smoothly.

_I remember._

I remember what I used to be.

I remember what I used to do.

Even more importantly, I remember him.

The sky was graying, dark and light, dark and light - neither black, or white, just grey. A grey that was cool and tranquil…

_Like his eyes._

I shook my head and shrugged the thoughts away. I can remember everything but I can't feel anything. What use is there to see his face in my mind? I remember him, so what about it? Nothing is elicited as much as I wanted it to be. Even if something awakens in me, I wouldn't know what it would be, nor could I understand it.

I have forgotten all too much about emotions.

What made my job difficult was hearing... hearing minds of those who were to see me...

 _Predictable._ Minds around me never change. No desire to fall into the same graves they dug... no desire to lie buried in those graves...they plead... they beg... they bargain...

But then...

They realize that escape was welcoming.

 

| _And in the end, we lie awake, and we dream of making our escape…"_ |

 

Once I saw my destination, with my cuffed foot, I perched gracefully on top of a monument situated in front of the building, with my wings hovering over me.

There was only one thing that I could feel or rather, I only had one thing I was _allowed_ to feel.

And that was _death,_ and this place had an especially ominous feel that lingered in the air.

Looking up, I read the name of the place.

_Winterfell General Hospital_

I glided in easily through the wall and ignored the call of death that whimpered along the corridors. There was only one who was to die at this given moment.

Only a very small cry called out to me.

A call I had to answer as I always did for a century.

I came to send that soul.

_Clang, clang, clang!_

So you could hear the giant bells from here too?

I sighed.

As the bells tolled once more signaling the eighteenth hour I knew it called out to me.

It was time to work.


	3. No More Keeping My Feet on the Ground

_**November 27, 1906** _

_**Jon** _

| _Sometimes I wake up and I'm falling asleep_

 _I think that maybe the curtains are closing on me  
But I wake up; yes I wake up smiling _|

 

I woke up rather abruptly as I heard a knocking sound from my window. The wind was howling outside. I looked at the clock and saw that it was past eight and I knew that I have allowed myself to sleep longer than usual but I was feeling especially weak right now.

I gathered myself then walked over to my window to peer out and saw the rush of the gale and blizzard outside. I could not… or rather, I know not the reason for my feeling this moment, but I could say most honestly that today had an especially ominous feel in it. Each day I felt my heart was heavy. My brother has been lost too long.

I still held on to the fact that he was still alive. I knew he was abducted. And I also knew if they treated him harshly, he would die from his illness. He would die in pain. And whoever was the cause, somehow I could not let go of the feeling that something might happen to us, the remaining family.

The dread would wax and wane and even with the reassurance of my family and friends, it still lingers.

_There have been too many deaths in the family…_

It's as if death was a constant visitor.

That was what kept me up all night, my fear for my family's safety – yet… yet last night all my troubles went away with but a cold touch.

Surely, people would question my sanity - I _have_ questioned my sanity but at times I felt that I was never alone… but in a good way.

Amidst the dreary feeling of today, I could not help my mouth from curving upwards as I remembered that I dreamt of _her_ again.

I… could not fathom who the beautiful creature was. I could not even as much as have a glimpse of her glorious face. But there was whiteness and everything felt good with just her mere presence. The faint sight of her placates all the strife and trifles.

_If only I could meet her._

Among the throes of confusion another addition was what compelled me to shiver involuntarily yet I felt a pleasant sensation – as if someone was touching me… soothing me… calming my nerves… That's why I can wake up to mornings like this amidst the gloomy feel. It is because of her.

It's always been her.

Rhaneys, my older sister's untimely death…

Rhaegar, my father…

Aunt Dany…

And now, Aegon…

Through it all, it has always been _her_ who gives me comfort in dreams.

There would be times that I would wake then wish myself to close my eyes to perhaps escape and dream again – dream of her. Yet I would feel a push – a sudden impetus to move and go on with life. Each day I felt I have gotten stronger in my will. I could not understand how. Yet each day I was filled with newfound resolve.

I had a feeling that from today everything would change – that I only had a few more days to wait. I felt the despair and grief that hung overcast our household yet I had to be strong.

I have known that it was luck and unidentified grace that helped me manage to move right now. I haven't been feeling well though I wish it would go away for I fear for my mother - my second mother. I fear for my mother to grieve even more. So I try to hold on as much as I can. I have also known that I am going to become weaker and weaker for the days to come but as my body grows weak my mind grows stronger.

What was I preparing my mind for? I shook my head at that thought and just focused on the brighter side of things. Even from impending doom I could not but help and feel that each day I was growing closer to _her._ Would I meet her in death?

How things may be, I knew it was inevitable. My life was going to _end_. Surprisingly, I wasn't afraid.

I wasn't afraid of death.

Almost instantaneously, I felt the same cold draft hover around me and I felt at peace once more. I found it unfair that I could feel all this and not see what causes it as I have tried time and time again to catch whoever or whatever this feeling came from.

All I know for sure that this was my saving grace.

I felt that today was my last day of normalcy. My last chance at life… but I would not hinder myself from the inevitable. I would not keep my feet on the ground to prolong it. I would let it happen.

I wasn't afraid of death.

I wasn't afraid of our constant visitor.

If the time came, I was ready to meet death.


	4. Death Will Never Conquer

| If sweet death should ever come for me  
Let me know, boys, let me know |

 

_**December 1, 2016** _

_**Jon** _

 

_Clang, clang clang!_

It's six already? My brow furrowed as the deafening sound rang on as I covered my sensitive ears. I was broken off from a sudden flash of hazy memory. I was fairly surprised that I was able to unearth that memory that went days before my years of night.

It was a memory of three days before my twilight. I wasn't afraid of death? I sighed. Of course I wasn't.

I was not a monster that time.

But right now, no matter how good my sire… my older brother sees me, I am nothing but a monster. Through all the sins that I have done I don't think I'm that brave of death right now.

Who was that I dreamt of? I was again surprised that I was able to recall a dream from that far back.

That blurry haze of white and red haunted me all day but I knew of no one who bore that profile.

I shook all thoughts away then proceeded to park my car. I was going to meet Aegon at the hospital. My brother was working as a nurse there, though tending to mortals wasn't really his ulterior motive for doing so yet he denies it.

As I said, we haven't been mortals for such a long time. Though we would beg to differ, my brother and I are called vampires.

But it's not the kind that's depicted in movies and books, although we do have one major thing in common with those. We _thirst._ But what we thirst for is not necessarily blood though it occasionally happens.

Every vampire has a thirst somehow unique to him or herself. It all depends on one's strongest desire when one was still human, or at times, it depends on one's predominant skill. What matters is what we thirst for, is based largely on our mortal psyche.

Take Aegon for example. When he was still human, he was weak and sickly. He lived a life of pain. Or more aptly, he never really escaped from that life because from the moment he was turned, he lived _on_ pain.

Yes, he thirsts for pain. The only explanation I could derive from that was that it was intermittent pain that killed him, therefore in this new life, it's what makes him strong, sort of like a compensation. But I like his explanation more which is very much related to why he chose a clinical field.

He said that he greatly desired for relief all his mortal life. And because he knew what it took to suffer, he didn't want others to go through what he had to go through. His want to find a cure, not just for himself and others manifested through his thirst.

How? When he feeds, he sucks out all the pain from the source, thus, providing relief for both of them.

I smiled at that. How can you call such a being a monster?

Me on the other hand…

I was a different case.

I thirst… for death.

As I stepped out of the car, I was suddenly taken aback as I heard chimes. Of course there were dozens of chimes that hung all around different rooms of the hospital. But the chimes I heard had a distinct sound.

They were… lighter than… air? Yet they sounded richer than golden chimes… They jingled in steady rhythm unlike the erratic spontaneous ringing of the other chimes. Wait. They weren't chimes… they sounded more like tiny bells. Listening closely, I heard that the bells slapped into something soft as they rang… it was like they were tied to mobile appendages… with… velvet.

As I walked inside the hospital, I heard it louder and at once I felt a shiver. _I never shiver._ The shiver I felt was unusual like it bore a rise of familiarity yet it bore something that was more dominant – a _warning_.

I suddenly felt the same ominous feel that I felt from the memory. I felt death in the air. But instead of feeling my whole being ache for it, I felt different. I don't have any words for it rather than this felt like impending doom and I was feeling rattled. Right now I was very reluctant to think of death because of my immortality. I knew I have lost my soul years ago. Yet if I did have a soul as Aegon believed it to be, I knew I lost my chance at heaven. A small part thought that I have repented long enough yet still… I was a monster… I was death itself when you think about it. My past… my thirst…

Then there it was again, ringing louder and louder interrupting my less than attractive thoughts.

Hesitating, I followed the sound of those bells. I tuned out all the voices, the sounds, and did my best to ignore the stares I had grown accustomed to. As the sound drew closer, the ominous feeling grew more intense.

I took a moment to scan the hospital. If I started feeding now, I would have more than my fill but I didn't want to. Not until I really needed to. It really did have a gloomy atmosphere and many were torn from asking for death to end their suffering or feel fear from ceasing to exist. The cold was getting to the people. I continued walking and thought that I fought the same battle as theirs. Yet right now the victor was fear.

_Wait._

I stopped abruptly as I heard a tiny voice from the sea of thoughts. I tuned everything out and saw that it came from a mind of a dying girl.

I found the girl's room at once and saw that the room was empty apart from her. Aegon mentioned this girl and said that she was going to go soon. The girl was barely six and her parents were in anguish as they held each other while talking to Aegon.

Her eyes were shut tight. But what drew me to her was what she thought awhile ago. I hid outside and continued to peek as my eyes grew wide when she spoke out what she thought.

"I heard you coming. Your bells gave you away."

Who was she talking to? There was no one in the room. I did my best to hear her mind – a skill available for our kind but like all skills, it has to be honed. I never bothered to, though I was sure regretting it now.

From her mind I heard a sound a thousand times lovelier than the bells.

"Yes. Those were my bells," the voice said and I looked again but I couldn't see who she was talking to – whom that voice belonged to. This wasn't possible!

"You've come for me." the little girl stated. It wasn't a question.

"Yes." the voice in her mind said.

The girl was dying…could this possibly be…I shook my head. _Impossible._

"Take me then." The girl said bravely. She wasn't afraid of death? I suddenly felt a lurch of shame wash over me at this revelation that a small girl was braver than me when it came to dying.

"Open your eyes," the voice commanded softly.

And I gaped at what I saw at the exact same time as the girl's eyes fluttered open. My mouth hung and my eyes bulged as my breath caught. I froze.

From the girl's eyes I saw…

I saw a deity who looked physically like that of an eighteen year old. She had long red hair that was braided at the end as it kissed the floor in its length. Her fiery locks were slightly disheveled as there were loose strands that fell on her face and shoulder. Her skin was pale – I believe, even paler than mine! And it stood out completely from her black with bluish undertone dress that was draped around her body.

Her face was so beautiful. She had a delicate face with defined cheek bones and full lips. She looked beautiful even though no color painted her face which held an emotionless mask. Her eyes, unblinking held the knowledge of time and sharp intensity inside those cold but striking blue. Her mouth remained closed in a tight line.

But what would really catch your eyes were her ebony wings. The wings that came from her back were so dark and black, darker than night, darker than soot, darker than shadows.

As she walked forward, I could hear bells once more and I found that there were tiny black and red bells that were tied in black velvet ropes around her ankles.

I knew that she could be no other than Death herself. So there were really such beings? I've never encountered such a thing, and I've been around a long time. What makes her different? What makes this time different?

I saw one more thing that stood out from the black. A glint of silver – half hidden on one of the velvet ropes on her right ankle was a silver cuff – a shackle.

She was bound.

I stood frozen as I knew that I was about to witness Death take a life. Yet why was there familiarity?

Then suddenly a white shadow apparition crossed my mind, white and a golden red  from memories and I sucked in a breath

The moment I made that sound, the black figure turned her head sharply at me then I saw the same shock spread on her face.

I knew her.

"You could see me?" she asked obviously rhetorical. As soon as she said that she began to materialize standing near the foot of the bed. I could _see_ her now – not only in the mind of the girl but for real.

I remained as stoic as a statue.

The silence was broken when we heard a flat line. The little girl was dead. Death's eyes flickered momentarily to the little girl as she placed her palms over the girl's eyes before looking back at me.

I let the sweet death essence linger slightly in the air before it dissipated. I could've easily taken it for my fill had this utterly ephemeral being not been standing there. Seeing this being… I was drawn – compelled completely to her and her alone that not even a hundred deaths around her would ever take my attention away from her.

"You can see me…" she said slowly. I couldn't move.

Never taking her eyes off of me, she took a step back towards the window.

Gathering all the will power I had, I forced myself to move a step forward towards her.

She took another step back.

"You shouldn't have seen me, Jon," she said and I felt a sudden delight when she said my name.

I took another step towards her as she poised to leave.

"Wait!" I shouted but in a blink she was gone leaving a sole black feather on the floor, her bells tinkling after her.

I bent down to pick up the feather and I felt a whiff of her scent on it.

Without a second thought, I leapt out the window as fast as I could, to go undetected and followed her scent.

_She was the one I dreamt about._

I didn't know why but I felt deep in myself that I had waited for this moment – waited for her. But if that were true, then why did I still have that ominous feeling nagging at me from the back of my mind, confusing me to such great extents. What is it really that I was feeling? Dread? Fear? Wonder? Reminiscence? Attraction? Whatever it was, she's drawing me in…

I didn't know death could conquer me a different way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've posted the first four chapters of this thing because that's the whole of the introduction for this story. Since I'll be adapting from my old fiction, this will be easier to update if ever, but for now, I'll end here. I chose Jon's coven to be the Targaryens instead of Starks because I've always wanted to explore them and they are in Winterfell for a reason. Let me know what you guys think if you like it or not. :) This story will be alternately told in Jon and Sansa's POV but, I'm going to bring in two original characters in the future, one of which is the anonymous POV in the first chapter. In my original story, it's roughly 35 chapters but relatively shorter than what I usually write. Anyway, do let me know if this is worth continuing. I just wanted to rescue an old story of mine and see if I can tell it through the JonSa fandom. :)


	5. 42

| Those who are dead, are not dead  
They're just living in my head  
And since I fell for that spell  
I am living there as well  
You thought you might be a ghost  
You didn't get to heaven but you made it close |

 

_**Sansa** _

 

Without second thought I jumped off the window after praying very fast for the little girl's soul and flew not really minding which direction.

_I was seen._

I looked down below and saw a river and I panicked.

_I saw my reflection._

I _can_ be seen!

My sense of caution and alertness grew to greater heights when I remembered who it was who saw me.

It was _him_.

It's been almost a century when I last saw him and aside from the changes brought on by his...inhuman state, he looked the same.

He was still my Jon.

I shook my head. He wasn't _my Jon_  anymore. He wasn't the same boy I've watched for eighteen years of his life and I wasn't who I was before. I'm a black angel now. I still guide souls only I guide them to their death. I _am_ death.

But right now I had to go before I become one of the _fallen_. I knew it was futile to escape that now that I've seen _him_. I was going to become a _fallen._

I can no longer hear Heaven's call. It's starting. I can be seen on and off now depending on… _No._ I should stop these thoughts. Jon should've died that day. Jon should've been with me in heaven but he didn't. Something unexpected happened and I was paying the price -  _we_ were paying the price.  _Oh Jon..._

How could I face him now?

I felt someone was following me. I looked back and saw him running towards me at blinding speed. My eyes grew in alarm that I coiled myself before springing forth with immense velocity.

 _Please don't follow me._ When I looked into his eyes I saw a decades' worth of memories of pain and suffering. I could hear his thoughts slightly again and I was compelled to be at his side but I can't… won't… He won't forgive me.

He thinks he's been turned into a monster. He thinks he's death himself. I almost plummeted when I saw flashbacks of his past… and oh… Oh Jon... He thinks so lowly of himself. He's… he's suffering… I felt my wings get heavier and my bells ringing erratically.

Guilt.

I was guilty.

I was about to have a breakthrough in my thoughts, as something was nagging at me, telling me I missed one important detail but I was distracted when I saw his eyes.

His eyes were empty and held loneliness – I can't even see the violet tints of his gray eyes… just silver, pure silver… _thirst…._

Oh Jon, if it weren't for me you'd be in heaven now. You should've been… I should've… I… I'm sorry Jon…

I remembered as I peeked into his recent memory that he remembered me – well, my former being. He remembered seeing a white shadow. I was that shadow. I was his guardian angel. I dread to think what he would feel when he saw his angel blacker than night.

I knew he realized I was death. Was that the reason he's running after me? Was he running after death? But the real question would be would I even bring death upon him if he asked?

Run away, Jon. This isn't the smartest thing to do. But what's this? I was starting to unearth a feeling I've learned to suppress all these years, or rather, _forced_ to suppress.

I couldn't fathom what that lost feeling was right now but it was deep and going deeper.

He looks as beautiful as he was when he was human – more so if I was allowed to say that.

As I thought about my options, I hadn't realized that I had entered a thick forest and it was snowing really hard.

"Wait!" I heard him say, his voice like the velvets that were wrapped on my ankles. And like before while on the hospital, I felt a yank on my right shin.

This time it was stronger.

It wasn't good, if he ordered or even merely requests I would not be able to run away. So I propelled myself further darting through trees and dead vines.

"Please, stop." He requested. I was completely yanked back by an invisible chain as I stopped midway. This was bad, very bad. For beings like me who were called by certain people, a request was greater than a command.

Because I was stopped in midair, the sudden force made me fall and crash on several trunks until I fell to the ground with a loud thud.

I fell face first on the ground and I winced when I felt that one of my wings that covered my body as well as my cuffed ankle broke. I couldn't bleed as I had no blood but I had bones and they hurt immensely.

I straightened up and curled my good wing over me and I felt dry scratches all over my body. I bit my lip to keep from screaming as I rubbed my ankle.

"Seven hells, are you all right?" came a frantic husky voice.

I looked up and saw silver eyes swimming in worry and astonishment and saw that the man who bore them was crouched at my side.

For the first time , Jon could _see_ me.

 _Really_ see me.

Not a shadow, not a blur, but in the  _flesh._

I stared at him with my mouth hung. I traced his face with my eyes, analyzing every detail. He looked so perfectly beautiful. His face was still long, his mouth was still full, his nose was still defined... His eyes were still the same contemplative ones.

He still had that soft dark and curly hair that I used to run my hands on. Something I knew I couldn't feel anymore.

Wait.

_Wait._

My eyes grew wide at my epiphany.

"Are you hurt?" he asked and his question affirmed my hunch.

He touched my ankle ever so gently with his frozen hand and my wince at that confirmed it more.

I felt pain. Not only pain, I felt the soft wet dead grass beneath me. I felt the cold snow on my skin. I felt his ice skin. I knew now the detail I missed earlier on.

_I could feel._

I watched as he withdrew his hand then looked at me with utmost concern

"Please say something," he pleaded.

I opened my mouth and continued to stare at him.

"I…I…"

"You could start with your name," he said it so kindly that I couldn't help but smile back.

"My name is Sansa," I found my voice.

His smile grew wider, "Sansa," he said his voice like a caress that sent shivers through me.

I just looked at him, unblinking. I didn't know what to say to that.

"Sansa, why is it that I feel as though I know you? And you said my name back there so I assume that you know me?" he asked puzzled.

"Of course I know you…Jon," I couldn't help but felt my face soften. "I've known you for eighteen years and I have thought about you for more than a century. I could never forget you. But now I have to—"

"Don't…?" he said but it came out it a question.

No, please don't order me to stay, please.

"Jon I have to –"

He shook his head, "No. Don't leave. Stay please," he said almost pleaded.

I could already feel chains tied to my silver shackle as he said the sealing words.

"Jon, now I cannot leave you," I whispered as I looked into his eyes. I was on my way to becoming a fallen. I've heard of stories like this, but I never really believed in them for they were rare. But most of all, I couldn't distinguish all the waking feelings for I have forgotten what it was like to feel them. Whether this was good or bad, it would matter so little for I can't escape this anymore. I can't escape from him…

If there was one thing I was sure of right now in this cacophony, was that I was bound once more.

…to Jon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! I'll be updating this more regularly than my other WIPS because the material is already there and my WIPS still need to write themselves. Anyway, I know a lot of you are confused still, but things will start to make sense by chapter 7. Next chapter will be Jon's POV and the song will be "Things I don't Understand." We get to meet some of Jon's coven members then. But just to clear some confusion, Sansa used to be Jon's guardian angel but something happened that turned the both of them into an angel of death and a vampire, respectively. And yes, for some reason, when Jon was still human, he could sense Sansa's presence, most especially in his dreams. 
> 
> So, still with me? I might update with Jon's POV later or tomorrow. Guys, again, I'm keeping the chapters short but that means faster update. Haha So what do you guys say? I'll try to answer as many questions as I can without revealing too much of course. And if you stumble into the original somewhere (though I doubt it. It has a different title lol), well, don't. I'm going to be diverging from it. Don't spoil yourselves. :)


	6. Things I don't Understand

_| How tides control the sea_   
_And what becomes of me_   
_How little things can slip out of your hands |_

 

_**Jon** _

 

The moment I saw her plummet to the ground I sped off towards her. What could've caused her to stop midair? She was going so fast I was afraid I was going to lose her but then she fell.

I saw everything. I saw her fall face first on the cold hard ground and I heard a crack. Worry washed over me as I thought that she must've broken something. Then my heart ached for which I still had no reason to enlighten me with when I saw her crumpled on the ground.

I watched as she winced when she moved her wings. I saw one of the black wings bent in a bad way and I knew it was broken. I saw her good wing fold over her scratched body in an attempt to shield her from more damage. I watched as she rubbed her right ankle with her pale small hands and the action revealed the silver band that encircled that ankle. She bit her lip and I knew she was in pain that I immediately thought of getting Aegon or...father.

I didn't know why but I was immensely compelled to come to her and see how she was. So when I crouched in front of her to see ask how she was, her expression was…unexpected.

When she looked at me with wide blue eyes, she looked like I had confirmed her worst fears but there was something else… something that was far more dominant… there was disbelief… and curiosity…

When I reached out to touch her damaged ankle, I almost withdrew as she felt ice cold – even colder than myself, I think. She winced once more and I pulled my hand away immediately.

My concern grew tenfold and I was very anxious and confused from everything I was feeling. I can't understand. This has never happened before.

"Please say something…" I pleaded.

She continued to stare at me then she opened her mouth and tried, "I…I…" 

I could sense that this was confusing for her as well so I decided to make things a bit easier for both of us.

I attempted to smile at her and asked for her name.

I didn't expect her to smile back at me but it was the most beautiful image I have ever seen. Her smile seemed to brighten her lovely face. Then she answered in her voice that was nothing less than heavenly.

"My name is Sansa."

"Sansa… "I said, liking the feeling of saying her name. I smiled wider.

She just stared at me with unblinking eyes.

"Sansa, why is it that I feel as though I know you? And you said my name back there so I assume that you know me?" I asked her.

Her answer shocked me as her face softened suddenly.

"Of course I know you…Jon. I've known you for eighteen years and I have thought about you for more than a century. I could never forget you. But now I have to—"

"Don't," I said unsure. I was still processing what she had just said. And I didn't want her to leave— _ever._ I don't even know why that is so.

She looked at me with frantic eyes but I felt that I couldn't… I couldn't bear it if she left.

"Jon I have to—"

I shook my head, "No. Don't leave. Stay please," I said almost pleaded. I didn't know what compelled me to do that but I felt this... _pull_ towards her. Then suddenly I felt as if I heard chains linking then she looked at me with half-lidded eyes.

"Jon, now I cannot leave you," she whispered and I grew even more puzzled as ever.

"I don't understand," I said as my brow knit.

She looked down and I saw her frown. It wasn't right. A deity like her shouldn't feel sad. I followed her gaze and it landed on her ankle, which was…cuffed.

"Sansa, who are you bound to?" I asked her while promising myself that I would hunt whoever that was.

She didn't answer.

"Sansa?"

She looked up at me still unblinking and whispered, "I can't say." Then she attempted to push the velvet over the silver when I noticed her wince once more.

"You're hurt. Let me help you."

She said nothing.

"My brother's a nurse, he'll help you." _At least in this current life. "_ I'll take you to our house. You'll be safe there."

At the mention of my brother, I saw the teensiest pucker on her forehead but it lasted for only a second.

"Please Sansa…please let me help you…" I pleaded once more desperate to rid her of pain.

She looked at me with a softer expression, and then she fainted.

Worry coursed through my body as I instinctively caught her. She looked so fragile and her slender body was cold. She was so white and it was emphasized by her black dress and crimson hair. Could she be the one I dreamt of? But in my dreams she was clad in white.

Shaking off my thoughts, I knew my priority was to keep her safe and tend to her pain. I didn't know if other people could see her but I had to take precaution. I had to run her home as fast as I possibly can.

I took off my scarf and wrapped her damaged wing. I untied her velvet bindings and rewrapped them over her broken ankle. I tried to remove her shackle but no matter how hard I tried it wouldn't budge. So I left it there, carefully lifting it up and tying it securely so it won't bang against her ankle.

Lastly, I shrugged my jacket off and wrapped it around her over her wings as gently as I could. She didn't stir not once. In one quick motion, she was in my arms—lighter than air. I was taken aback suddenly from the proximity of her red locks and I got intoxicated from her scent.

It wasn't anything I had ever smelled before. But I was certain that it wasn't human. She smelled… like frozen spring… if that made sense. She smelled like ice… cool… She smelled like she was frozen upon blooming…

My eyes darted down to her partially opened mouth as she let out a soft sigh. I felt…warm… this was all very confusing to me. Different surges of feelings and emotions are awakening as if she was suddenly stimulating every nerve I had all at once. Who _is_ she? Who is she to me? Why does she feel all too familiar yet I have no recollection of her? _What_ is she? She is Sansa but who is _she?_

I shook my head rapidly dismissing all my queries and after shifting all of her to my left arm, I called Aegon using my free hand.

He answered on the first ring.

"Jon, where are you? I heard you jump off and run. I'm driving home now." came his concerned tone, waiting for an explanation.

"Calm down. I'm… I believe I'm somewhere near home, and I mean, near the estate. Listen, I can't really explain the specifics as I'm confused myself but I'm sorry, I wasn't able to drive you home."

"Okay Jon. I trust you. Run home as soon as you can. See you then," he said then I hung up.

I put the phone back in my pocket then took one last look at Sansa. She was still fast asleep looking lovelier and lovelier by the minute.

As I ran her home my mind was racing. I was very much perplexed. She's death. That I knew. But through all the people I've seen die… whether by my hands or not… I have never seen her or anything  _like_ her. 

Death...Did I steal their lives? Because I brought death upon them, that it wasn't their time – was that the reason I didn't see her? Or is it because I was meant to cull their lives? So would that make me the same as her? Am _I_ the same as _her_?

_Am I death as well?_

I shook my head.

No.

Look at her – look at me! We were not humans yet we were different. But we both bring deaths, only hers is a full time...occupation? But judging my nature… it too could be my full time occupation if I wanted to.

Too quench my thirst I had to…

 _Ah this is so vexing_!

I need answers. Why then was I able to see her now? Why does she know me? How could she have known me for eighteen years before my twilight? Why is it only now that we met? Why was she in my dreams? Why was she as white as snow in my dreams? Why was she death? Why did she leave me then? Why do we exist? If I could die would I be fetched by the likes of her?

_Or was I able to see her because it's written that I am to die at that time?_

No, it couldn't be. She ran. She ran away from me. But maybe she didn't want to deliver my demise?

Damn it, this is all too damn frustrating! I don't understand I don't understand…

When I ran her home it was good that only Aegon and Rhaenys who were home. Arianne, Dany, and Robb won't be home 'til tomorrow.

 _Jon's home! Rhaenys_  exclaimed as I heard her open the door.

 _I smell something different… I don't hear a heart beat but I hear breathing… Jon brought something…alive? It's not human… but… it's not one of us…Aegon_  thought.

Rhaenys opened the door before just as I stepped in front of it and I saw pure shock registered on her kind face. Beside her my brother, held the same look. They were both speechless when they saw the woman in my arms.

Sansa shivered and my siblings' expression melted into that of concern.

"Get her inside, quickly!" Rhaenys said urgently. I strode inside and quickly laid sansa on the couch as gently as I could.

Rhaenys rushed upstairs and I heard her opening her cabinet and searching for blankets and towels while drawing a hot bath. Aegon however went to look at Sansa.

"She has no pulse… I hear no blood flows in her… yet she breathes…it's a little staggered. Is she in pain?" he asked me. He brushed some strands of hair off Sansa's face and noticed the scratches. "Did she fall somewhere?"

"Yes, she fell… she fell from fifty feet and slammed face first on the cold ground. She's… I don't really know what she is. I'm confused myself. But she has a broken wing and ankle."

Aegon nodded then examined Sansa's ankle first then her wing.

"Both her ankle and her wing are broken. Carry her to our bed so I could bandage her."

I nodded at him. I knew they were all confused yet worried – both him and Rhaenys, but like me, all questions had to take the back seat. Sansa's injuries were top priority.

Aegon worked fast and without question. 

"She…probably has to stay grounded for awhile. I can see that she's recovering quite fast and I could only assume that at this rate, she would only need a few weeks or less. But see how she winces? Jon, she's in pain…" when he said that, I knew he was asking for permission. But he didn't need to. I had no authority over her!

"Do what you have to do Egg."

He nodded then as his eyes turned white silver, he placed his hand over Sansa's wing and in the manner as it would be if you were tasting the air, he started feeding from Sansa's pain and at once we saw her knotted brows loosen and we knew she was no longer in pain.

_Now, please shed some light Jon._

I sighed as I carried her up my room and laid her down on my bed. She didn't stir.

Rhaenys came in and draped a warm red blanket over her sleeping form.

"Her name is Sansa… and for some reason, she knows me… well, her exact words were that she knew me for eighteen years of my life and has thought about me for more than a century…" I whispered.

"Incredible. That is tantamount to saying that she knows you even before you were changed," Aegon exclaimed.

"Yes, I suppose," I agreed.

"But do you know her, Jon?" Rhaenys asked.

I thought for a while, "For some reason… it feels as if I do… she's been… in and out of my dreams… but she was… all white then…"

Aegon was about to ask some more when Sansa stirred.

"Hmmm…" came her heavenly voice.

I was about to touch her but Rhaenys beat me to it. She was by her side as she stroked Sansa's hair.

"What is it sweetie?" she asked in her soothing voice.

Her eyes fluttered open. Then suddenly, they widened and in a flash she was at the other end of the room looking frantic.

Her eyes flashed from Rhaenys to Aegon then to me, and they were brimming with question.

I stepped towards her slowly and bent in front of her.

"Sansa, shhh… it's okay. You're safe. They're my family. My brother Aegon and my sister, Rhaenys," I said softly. She winced at the mention of Aegon's name. I wondered why.

"Sansa, Aegon treated your injuries. You're in our home. You're safe."

She rubbed her ankle then looked at Aegon in awe with her unblinking eyes.

Aegon cautiously walked towards her with his hands held out. "Please stay still. You're still healing."

Sansa just kept looking at him then spoke softly, "Thank you."

Aegon grinned at her, "You're welcome my dear."

It was Rhaenys' turn to come forward. "You must be cold."

Sansa shivered, "Cold?" she said bewildered.

"I drew a hot bath for you so you could get all warmed up," Rhaenys said kindly.

"W-warm?" she said still confused. I was becoming more and more frustrated and confused with her reactions.

She nodded, "Come with me dear." Then she touched her exposed shoulder. Sansa jumped.

She looked at Rhaenys, still unblinking, "You're…cold."

"And so are you, so please come with me," Rhaenys pleaded.

Sansa paused, blinked, and finally gave a soft nod. Rhaenys smiled at her and helped her up.

"J-Jon?" she called my name then turned her head to look at me.

"Yes?" for some reason, hearing her say my name made me very attentive to her.

"T-thank you," she said timidly.

I smiled at her, "Please, think nothing of it." What was this feeling?

I watched as Rhaenys led her to the bathroom. Glancing at Aegon, I heard clothing come off along with the bells followed by a gentle splash and running water.

No words were spoken.

I followed him to the porch. We sat down and began talking.

"Jon, who is she? What happened?"

I shook my head. "Here's what happened. I went to fetch you when I heard bells. I followed the sound and I was led into the room of the little girl you told me about.

He raised a brow, "The one who was terminal?" I winced. I knew he didn't want to say it out loud, but I knew he meant to ask was if she was the one he offered me to feed on when she died.

I nodded then I continued telling him the events that transpired.

When I was done Aegon looked as confused as I was. "So, she's Death?"

"I think so…"

"But now… she's bound to you?"

What? She was bound to me? "I'm sorry, did you just say she's bound to me?"

He eyed me speculatively, "Yes Jon. I believe she is. She said that 'she can never leave you' and you told me you heard the linking of chains. She's bound to you."

I was… angry with myself. "But… how? That's not right. No one should be bound by anyone, Egg."

"But before that, Jon, this is important, were you drawn to her _because_ she was death?"

I was momentarily stunned. I never thought of it that way. I need to feed on death to survive… and she was the personification of it. Was I attracted to her because of that?

"But…wait… if I was drawn to her because of what we think she is because of my thirst, then shouldn't I have been able to be drawn to her each time there was death, I mean, each time she fetches souls? Why is it only now?"

"He studied me for a moment before answering. "Or maybe, Jon, that you seek death, because she _is_ death?" he pressed.

"What are you implying exactly? That I was always seeking her through each death I need to have my fill? That _she_ is what I am actually looking for?" I said half-convinced, half-doubtful.

"Think about the timeline. You were turned when you were nineteen. She knew you all those years before that. When you woke to this new world, you sought for death as sustenance. I really think there's a link to this," he explained.

"And now she's bound to you. Why is that?" he continued.

"You have a theory, don't you?" I said as I examined his suddenly lit face.

He nodded.

I raised my brows at him.

"Do you believe in angels? _"_ He said with a smile.

"Angels?" I repeated and suddenly all the pieces seem to fit.


	7. Now My Feet Won't Touch the Ground

 

| Singing now my feet won't touch the ground  
Now my head won't stop  
You wait a lifetime to be found  
Now my feet won't touch the ground  
Now my feet won't touch the ground |

 

_**Sansa** _

 

 

"How are you feeling now, dear?"

I jerked back a little like I did before but on a more minimal scale, as a warm accented voice broke through my thoughts.

I composed myself and looked at the beautiful woman reflected on the mirror of a giant Victorian style dresser. She had olive skin and had long dark hair that fell in ringlets against her back, but her face was the kindest I've ever seen and it was oddly familiar. As my eyes locked with her dark ones in the mirror, she smiled at me, tilting her head a bit, still waiting for my answer, and  I… I couldn't help but smile back.

I guess that was answer enough for her as she nodded and smiled on. Then I remembered who she was. 

_She was Jon's half-sister._

I looked down at my hands and let my smile falter. I remembered her… 

But... she died.

Then I remembered...Aegon. Jon's half-brother. 

_Why were they all changed? I knew Aegon changed Jon... did he change Rhaenys too? Why? And who changed Aegon?_

I'd have to ask later. If only I could've talked to their angels but we couldn't. The only thing I could see and feel then, was Jon. Jon's past, present, and possible future. Everything, but just him.

I shook off those thoughts before I drowned in them. There was time for questions later. I looked up then, at the mirror but I didn't focus on my reflection. I focused on the woman who was smiling at me as she brushed my long hair.

It felt…

It felt different…

I felt…

Pleasant…?

Yes. This was... _pleasant._ As I reveled in the pleasant brushing sensation her motions did, I let my mind wander to a more pressing issue - more importantly my  _feelings -_ my... awakening emotions.

I was confused that was a given. I was very confused yet I knew almost all the answers to enlighten me. But the feelings… all these feelings… they were… _overwhelming me._ I've never felt _anything_ other than death for a century. And seeing Jon… all my senses… it was as if one look from him has unearthed every feeling denied to me… as if they were only sleeping… only to be awaken…

… _By him._

Oh but it is too much! It's still hard to tell one emotion from another. So I turned to rational thoughts, compartmentalizing the questions about why the Targaryen siblings were immortal, as well as setting aside for now, from deciphering my emotions. Right now, I should be thinking about my new change. 

In a week's time, I'll become a f _allen_.

I closed my eyes for the first time letting Rhaenys' brushing soothe me and think back at what happened an hour ago. At least that feeling I've already named...

An hour ago I woke up to see three pairs of silver-edged eyes stare at me with concern and my initial reaction? _Panic._

I panicked. Why? Firstly, as an instinct for danger. Second, because they could _see_ me and they weren't human – they weren't alive. Now you scoff at me and say, you must've seen dead people all the time being death and all. I have to correct that misconception. I don't see dead people.

I see _dying_ people.

I am Death but I guess I won't be delivering souls of late anymore – at least not _subtly._ I would only be called if it were necessary. Someone else must've taken my place already.

I shook those thoughts away, the restraints on the compartments I've made in my mind are flimsy - I am so distracted right now. Back to my initial reaction, I was scared for another reason.

I knew Rhaenys.

And most of all – I _knew Aegon_.

When I saw him – I felt a dreadful feeling. Something I should never ever feel and something I would never have felt when I was what I was before.

But it was a fleeting feeling and was instantaneously replaced by something else – something not as terrible but still dreadful.

It was wrong and not of my angel nature, white or black, to feel grudges.

But feeling… angry wasn't very nice either. Aegon didn't deserve it. So I dismissed all those thoughts. Never in all my… existence have I felt any negative thought ever since today. I scanned through tomes of knowledge in my mind to name the feelings and for this particular moment, it was unexpectedly easy. It was easier to access the knowledge of something you feel deeply about. And this one practically screamed at me. The first was guilt then the hate… then the anger…and back to guilt. 

Now I felt…

Sad…

Sad and confused?

Aegon… I would have to… talk to him somehow…

I saw it. I saw through his eyes that he felt it. He felt guilty when he saw me. He shouldn't but he did and I would have to talk to him about that.

Then I saw Rhaenys and I was shocked to see her, actually see her. 

And of course, all thoughts melted away the moment Jon spoke. I still couldn't get over the fact that it was really him, who was speaking to me – it's really true that he can see me, talk to me…touch me.

And there he was… reassuring his former guardian angel – taking care of his guardian angel. It wasn't…right…? I thought with uncertainty.

I was his guardian angel. He never saw me then. When he finally saw me, he saw me as death. Now, I'm not really either. I was fast becoming a fallen. Soon… I would lose my wings.

"Sansa, what's the matter?"

I was once more broken from my reverie and I looked at the kind woman who was looking very concerned. Her eyes bore what I cannot avoid for long.

_Questions._

I opened my mouth to answer her but just looking at her eyes, feeling the sudden gentle touch on my shoulder… the encouraging smile….

Hot liquid flowed down my cheeks – and it was… uncontrollable…

I couldn't even decipher what I was feeling right now among the throng of emotions that just surged. I don't know… _I don't know…_

The feeling intensified when Rhaenys suddenly knelt before me with both her hands on my cheeks, wiping my tears with her cold thumb.

"Sansa, what's wrong?" came her lilting voice that sounded like bells.

I couldn't answer her, I just wanted all the confusion to stop – all the questions to stop. My head was spinning and throbbing, my eyes felt hot, my chest was tightening - as if needing to breath when I didn't. 

The door burst open and in went Aegon and Jon looking alarmed and worried. Jon's hands replaced Rhaenys' in a flash and I was caught in his gaze.

"Sansa! What's wrong? Why are you crying? It's okay. What hurts?" he asked frantically then he turned to Aegon. "Egg, can you check her injuries?"

It was then that I found my voice just as Aegon made his way to touch my wing.

"N-no, I – I don't feel pain. I'm sorry it's just… all these feelings – emotions are returning to me and I feel so overwhelmed and I don't know this emotion that has just resurfaced. I don't -…" I tried explaining through my breaking voice but the emotions were too much.

Jon sighed in relief and gave an understanding smile. "I see, let's walk through it. Can you describe what you're feeling?"

"I feel… I feel gratuitous… towards… towards Rhaenys… and warm… and content… and … happy… and I think … awed… but sad at the same time… it doesn't make sense! I'm just really very thankful and warm…so warm…but why am I crying?"

Jon gave a soft laugh and I saw Rhaenys and Aegon smile a little. "This happened all the time that Rhaenys was brushing your hair, is that correct?"

I nodded.

"You feel touched, Sansa You feel touched from the gesture. It happens all the time whenever someone does a simple or unexpected nice gesture to make someone smile or happy."

Rhaenys grinned at me and stroked my hair. Aegon gave me a big smile.

"That does summate my feelings. And… I guess it's new to me…" I agreed.

Jon cocked his head to the side and his brow twitched. "New?"

"Yes, I never felt it before." I stated clearly. It was true.

"No one ever did anything for you?" He asked.

I shook my head. "When Death knocks on your door, you don't really invite her in."

I saw him look… silently outraged. His mouth formed a thin line.

Silence.

"I… I suppose you have more questions for me." I broke the ice.

"We do but only if you're ready. Please do not feel pressured," Jon said his voice sounding like velvet.

"But I want to. It's the least that I could do from all the help you've given me," I said meekly.

"Think nothing of it Sansa," Jon shook his head then smiled a familiar smile. He sat beside me and took my hand in his and that made my mouth twitch.

I looked down at my feet and sighed as I started.

"My name is Sansa and yes, I'm Death – but I haven't always been." I said as I looked at Jon.

"If you remember, Jon, I told you a while ago that I've known you for eighteen years of your life and have thought of you for almost a century."

He nodded at me and listened with perfect patience.

"Those eighteen years… were your human years," I sad slowly.

Rhaenys gasped and Aegon nodded in acknowledgement. I knew he had a theory, which might just have been right.

Jon spoke up, "How could that have happened?"

I smiled at him, "Do you believe in angels?"

Jon let out an incredulous chuckle then gave a knowing look at Aegon who grinned at him. I was right. He had a theory.

"I guess it's not that hard to believe," Jon answered.

"Good. Because I was your guardian angel, Jon."

Then recognition gleamed in his eyes. "That's why you're so familiar, you're the one I kept seeing in my dreams."

I half-smiled at that. I was happy that he somehow caught a glimpse of me from before but I was sad because it wasn't who I was now.

"So you looked out for me for all my human life?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Then what happened to you? I'm making a guess here but did you leave me the moment I was changed?"

I lifted my unblinking eyes and looked out the window.

"Sansa?" he prompted.

"Yes."

His hand gave mine a soft squeeze and I could sense that his brow was furrowing.

"Then how?'

I closed my eyes and frowned, "I… I can't say…"

"Sansa, 'can't' or 'won't'?"

I didn't answer.

"Sansa…" he said as he put his finger under my chin and tilted my face to him. I opened my eyes but shifted my gaze away from him.

"It would upset you," I said simply.

"We can handle it."

I took a deep breath and looked at him, "They say that depending on the level of connection formed between angels and their _protected_ , as you're called before, that we become mirrors of who they become."

"So when I was turned into a …vampire… you became…Death?"

I could see thoughts forming on his mind that I needed to stop right away. "I knew I shouldn't have said anything. I told you it would upset you."

I noticed Aegon looked away.

Rhaenys touched Aegon's arm.

Jon said nothing.

"I'm sorry."

Jon shook his head and grabbed my shoulders. "Sansa… don't… don't apologize. Please."

"But your upset."

He dismissed it, "Then where were you after that? Why did you leave me?"

"I… guarding you… wasn't…. my duty anymore."

"Sansa, did you become death because I… I am a creature that brings death as well?" he asked seriously.

I hesitated. "Yes."

"But still, why did you leave -?"

I looked into his eyes and cut him off, "Would it have mattered? You only knew of me today. You only saw me - really saw me just now. And besides… I wasn't bound to you anymore that time… I was bound to duty. I was bound to deliver souls."

"So you were chained to becoming death because I was turned into a monster?" he said angrily.

"If anything, I'm the monster here. You still had the choice. For me it was all I lived for."

"But still you've changed because of me!" He yelled. Aegon shrunk by the minute.

"Jon, please calm down." I said while I stole a glance at Aegon. Jon took the hint.

"I'm sorry. Sansa, why was I able to see you then?"

"You weren't supposed to," I answered honestly. He wasn't. It was the truth.

"Then why?"

I knew the reason. No, I knew the possible reasons but none were pleasant for him.

I didn't answer. I couldn't.

"Did you come here to bring my death?" he asked bluntly.

I was shocked. He almost had it right.

"When a human is born, two souls are created. One human, one divine. One to protect, one to guard. Or rather, one to live, one to guide. The two are tethered. A tie that ends in death.  Jon… you know… before… when I was your angel, I… was deeply attached to you and I guess that it formed an indelible bond between us. Maybe it's the same reason that you could somehow see me hazily in your dreams. Maybe part of that is why you had the possibility of seeing me again. And your kind can read minds."

"But I heard you, I heard your bells. I followed the bells and then I saw you," he pressed.

That was…odd…"Then I have no definite answer. Maybe it's because it's time we saw each other again. Maybe it's written." I trailed off. Now the two reasons I knew were coming clearer and clearer.

Jon sighed, "This is all still confusing. But Sansa, does that mean that once we've changed our angels become death?"

I shook my head, "No. It all depends on the _connection_ or the tie that binds the two souls. Some go back to heaven. Some guide new people. Some turn… evil…some immediately becomes a fallen and rarely… some turn into me. Death."

"Wait, wait a moment. Evil? Do you mean devils?" he asked even more confused.

"Demons, evil spirits… that's a possibility."

"What's a fallen?" Rhaenys asked.

"A fallen is just that - a fallen angel. It means, they are angels who walk on the face of the earth like normal people. They lose their wings. They lose direct communication with the higher beings. Some become immortal. But commonly, they become human because usually the cause of being a fallen is falling in love with humans. It's true what they say that some have traded their wings for love," I explained.

A pause before the silence was broken.

"So are you still death?" Jon asked.

"I still have the ability but I'm going to lose my wings in a week's time."

"So you're turning into a fallen?"

"The process has started," I said simply.

"When did that start?" he asked.

I looked directly into his eyes, "The moment you told me to stay."

"I'm very sorry Sansa, this is all too much to comprehend…" he admitted, running a hand through his hair and beard.

I ducked my head. "I'm sorry if I can't explain very well."

He sighed."I know that you're apprehensive from sharing some things with us but I wish you'd trust us more," he said softly.

I touched his hand and looked him squarely. "I do. I trust all of you. But there are things better left unsaid. All you need to know is I have no regrets and I bear no grudges."

"But you're doing things out of force. You never did anything just for yourself," he said, his face hiding his anger unsuccessfully. 

"Jon," I said as I touched his face. He jerked but didn't turn me away. I tried again. "Jon, I had the privilege of watching over someone as good as you and now I am given that chance once more only now you can actually hear me, see me…listen to me…or not…" My eyes suddenly shifted to my ankle, a movement he followed as he jerked away from me.

"You're bound to me," he said. It wasn't a question. I dropped my hands and stared out the window again. I didn't want to answer once more.

"It's true then," he muttered.

"I will answer more questions in time but for now please be content with what I have shared so far."

The others nodded. "It's perfectly all right. We'll leave you alone for now. You need to rest." Aegon said.

Rhaenys gave me a hug, which surprised me again. When she pulled out she kissed my cheek and went out silently, following Aegon.

Jon rose to leave but I caught his hand.

"Would it be selfish of me to ask you to stay?" I asked.

He looked torn and unsure before he nodded at me and sat back on the black sofa. I sat beside him.

"Jon, I'm sorry if I left you even more confused as it is. But please allow me to express my gratitude for your kindness." I said shyly.

He gave a small smile, "You took care of me for eighteen years, and I owe you more than this."

I looked down.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry for everything as well."

"What are you sorry for?" he said looking at me absurdly.

I looked up at him, "I'm sorry that I just watch you change and never came back to you."

"Sansa, there was nothing you could've done to prevent me changing into this," he argued.

"I know but I just watched it happen…"

"Stop. Just stop. It happened, it's over. But I do have a question for you."

"Anything." I replied quickly.

"It was you, wasn't it? It was you who prepared me – prepared my mindset to survive," he pressed.

I ducked my head but gave a half-smile.

"I knew it. Thank you. But Sansa… why didn't you come back to me?" he asked softly. 

"I was afraid," I admitted.

"Afraid of what?" he tilted my chin to let my eyes meet his gaze and I saw through his gray eyes the burning curiosity and worry.

"Afraid of you being disappointed in me… afraid of seeing your pain…"

"You're incredible," he mouthed not taking his eyes off me.

My brows knit in confusion, "Why so?"

"You're so… good." he said.

I chuckled, "Well I do have the wings to prove it." I immediately regretted saying that as I remembered I had black wings.

He cupped my cheek, "Hey, hey, why the long face?"

"It's so easy to forget who I am when I'm with you."

He chuckled, "Well…that's…that's pretty flattering, I guess."

I smiled at him.

"Sansa, I am curious…"

"About what?"

"Well, you seemed genuinely surprised when Rhaenys said you were cold and when she mentioned 'warm'. Why is that?"

I sighed, "It's because… when I became death, almost all emotions… all feelings left me. You could say I was selectively numb."

He nodded, "What is it that you're not numb about then?"

I shifted uneasily. Again, I didn't want to share this.

He held my gaze again, "Please tell me?"

"I could only feel… death… feel the call of death… it's the only thing…"

He looked appalled but adjusted his expression when he noticed my discomfort, "But before you could…?"

"Yes. When I was your angel, I could feel you but you couldn't feel me."

"Okay, one last question."

I waited.

He smiled his crooked smile I was fond of, "What's with the bells?"

I laughed and he laughed with me.

There were a lot of things I had to clarify – a lot more things to explain but I was very hesitant to say them.

I'm happy that Jon could see me and that I could feel again and that I won't be delivering souls that much but there was one thing that keeps nagging at the back of my head.

Place two mirrors facing parallel with each other. The reflection is never ending right? What if both mirrors represented two sets of eyes?

What if both sets of eyes were both that of Death _s'…_?

That's right. Plural. _Deaths._

What would happen then?

Death signifies an end.

Could two ends that meet break the reflection?

Whose reflection would break?

Vague. I know. But it's the only thing I'm willing to share. The only answer I'm willing to give. All I'm focusing on now is how my feet won't touch the ground the same way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Just a guide. 
> 
> Sansa was former guardian angel, turned angel of death (there's more than one in the world), then now for unknown reasons, she's turning again, and this time, she's turning into a fallen. 
> 
> A fallen angel is basically, an angel without wings. Some are still immortal, some become humans. It all depends on the reason of their "fall." For Sansa, we still don't know why but it was triggered when she met with Jon. 
> 
> When a protected (human) dies, their guardian angels become one of many things depending on how deep their ties go. They usually become mirrors of their protected. Like when a good person dies, he goes to heaven and if he is bound deeply with his angel, they both meet in heaven. Or, the angel, untethered from their protected's death, could be bound to a new soul for guarding. Some follow their protected to hell. And here, Jon did die, rendering the guardianship contract over but because of Sansa's love for him and refusal to untether herself, her fate becomes one of two: a fallen, or an angel of death. So the premise is, as long as Jon was a vampire, she would be an angel of death. At least, until the day they met. Accident or fate, we don't know yet. ;) And the rest, I'll explain in the future. :)
> 
> Next chapter, Sansa will talk to Aegon. Next Chapter's song is: "Life is for Living."


	8. Life is for Living

| I don't let it stand in our way  
As my head just aches  
When I think of  
The things that I shouldn't have done  
But, life is for living |

 

_**Jon** _

 

There were a million things I wanted to ask the mysterious creature who was sitting two feet away from me. But she was clearly very hesitant to divulge her secrets so I won't force her and I found a distraction anyway.

Sansa was laughing.

I couldn't help but smile and feel elated as I heard her charming tinkling laugh.

"Bells? Well it's not that really interesting," she said, and then I watched as her brow puckered in concern as her gaze lowered.

"What's wrong Sansa? I mean if it's about my question, if it's too personal you don't need to answer it," I said a little hurriedly.

She shook her head rapidly while raising her hands in front of me, "No, no, it's not that."

I felt my eyebrows meet, "Then can I ask what it is?"

She half-smiled, took a deep breath and fixed those pretty blue eyes with mine and held it - as if I could look away from them, "I was just wondering… if...your brother is busy?" she said slowly. Then just like that her face was a blank mask yet again. She kept doing that, showing an emotion then quickly concealing it.

The first thought that entered my mind was if she felt hurt or ill, "I don't think he's busy. Do you feel anything? Are you in pain? Do you want me to get him?"

She shook her head, "No, I just want to… talk to him."

Then it dawned on me why. Even if my mind was focused on decoding Sansa, I could still hear the minds around me and I felt sick when a voice trying so hard to remain hushed made its way to reach me. Aegon was feeling positively horrible right now that not even Rhaenys could soothe him.

I felt like such a…such an ass for lack of better words… when I remembered the things I said and how insensitive I was. Of course Aegon felt appalled at himself. Now that he knew what Sansa was and how she came to be… and how I lashed out how mad I was that she became that way because of my transformation... But we all knew he didn't have a choice but to change us. 

I was going to berate myself more when I felt a hand over mine and as I looked up, I saw piercing eyes filled with eternal understanding.

"Let me talk to him," she said while offering a half-smile.

I smiled back, "Okay. He's in –"

"– his study?" she said still smiling. Then she poised to stand up to which I immediately reacted to by positioning myself behind her. She might stumble from her bad ankle.

She chuckled, "I'm fine. My ankle's almost completely healed. I heal fast, apparently."

I looked down and touched her ankle. She didn't flinch, and it did look better. "Are you sure?"

She nodded, "Yes, watch me." I watched as she took a few steps and I never saw her wince once.

"Okay, you do seem fine…how about your wing?"

She spread out her ebony wings and as she flapped the bandaged wing, a grunt escaped her. My hand reached for that wing on impulse.

She squinted an eye, "Well, much I can say about that. I guess it's walking for me for a little while longer. I wonder how that's like?" she said jokingly.

I couldn't help but smile a bit at that, "I see you have a sense you humor."

She laughed then her face was all serious, "Clearly, you don't read the papers. Of course death has a sense of humor. Who dies while in the privy?" she said matter-of-factly.

I chuckled, "You have a point there."

Then she shook her head as her expression dropped immediately, "No, that's not a good joke. Death is not a joke as much as life is not a joke," she bit her lip guiltily, "Not a good joke at all."

I cleared my throat. "How does one die anyway? Do you choose who? Do you decide how?" I asked curiously.

Again she shook her head, "No. you die because it's your time. Death waits for no one."

"So you're saying that if one came out alive from a life threatening predicament, then that's not escaping death?" I asked.

"You can't escape death. If it's your time, it's your time," she said simply.

"Then what about us? We're technically dead, right?"

"Yes. You're dead. Death is just a stage to go through. You passed it already. You died but you can still exist under certain circumstances."

"Is that so?"

She fixed her eternal eyes at me and answered slowly, "Yeah…"

She was talking in riddles again. She clearly does not want to give more that what is needed.

She tentatively placed a hand on my arm and I shivered involuntarily, but if she noticed, I wouldn't know. "Jon, I know you have more to ask but I really do think I should talk to...Aegon."

I nodded, "Okay, do you need help?"

"I think I can manage, but thank you for off – Whoa!"

She didn't finish because she was up in my arms. She stared at me baffled.

"Walking is overrated, not when you can fly," I said while smiling sneakily.

"But I can't fl – "

"Yes, you can't fly right now but I can…in my own way that is. I'm fast enough that we're almost flying,"

She crossed her arms, "Show off. But thank you I really can man – "

She didn't get to finish because in a split second we were at the foot of the stairs.

She sighed, "Why do I even bother?" then she smiled. "Thanks, you're right. You're very fast. Now please put me down and let me finish my sentences please. Thank you."

I chuckled, "Well, I should probably leave you to it and give you as much privacy as you want." Then I set her down gently, but kept my hands on her waist, the whole of me warming up unusually when I noted the proximity. A look crossed her face that was a mix of confusion and curiosity as the hands on my chest rose a little, making my breath hitch as her eyes slowly held mine again. And from this close I could see tiny flecks of gray in her light blue eyes. Almost instinctively, my hands itched to slide up or press her closer but another look crossed her face, making her blink and drop her hands. She took a step back but kept her gaze at me and shook her head slowly.

"No, I want you to listen," she said suddenly serious again.

With her gazing like that at me, all serious, I was dissociating again. Just what was that? 

"Jon?"

I jerked, "Oh sorry," I cleared my throat. "Anyway, I'll… still listen from upstairs…if that's what you want."

"You're going to know one way or another."

"Good point once more." I said before knocking on Aegon's door.

_Come in Jon, and I did hear. Let Sansa in, don't worry, I've… been meaning to talk to her as well._

Aegon said with his thoughts. So I opened the door and looked at Sansa.

"Well, he said to let you in so I'll be in my room," I said to which she nodded then walked inside. I dashed back to my room, sat by the window, and shut my eyes as I listened to their conversation. I knew this was going to be hard for Aegon but I knew that Sansa was there to reassure him.

* * *

* * *

 

_**Sansa** _

 

Jon was asking too many questions again and I can't blame him but I have to take care of another matter here. But... what was that I just felt? When we were...near, I still felt... far. I wanted to be closer. I felt his hands tightening on my waist, heard his breath hitch, saw his gray eyes almost metallic, almost completely coated in silver as he looked at me. I couldn't understand it so I went back to what I did understand. _Aegon's guilt._  

I entered the large study quietly and I saw Aegon stand up at once when he heard me come in. He put on a smile and gestured for me to sit down. It was truly him. The silver hair, the indigo eyes... hair and eyes of Jon's father. Aegon was the spitting image of their father Rhaegar. "Hello Sansa, please, take a seat," he said kindly but his eyes were filled with sadness. I knew I should smile back at him but I… couldn't… I opened my mouth to say something but settled on giving a nod then sitting on a chair near him.

I… I couldn't look him in the eye… so many emotions are rushing…some familiar…some I couldn't even put a finger on.

He broke the silence, "Sansa, how are you feeling? I heard you're ankle is almost healed up."

I gave a small smile but my sight was still fixated on my hands, "Yes. I heal fast apparently. Thank you again for tending to me."

I felt him nod, "That's good to hear." I merely nodded in response.

Then he sighed and reached to touch my hand to which I pulled away in surprise. I bit my lip feeling terrible from doing that.

He retracted his hand and I felt his gaze on me. "Sansa…" he started softly.

I looked up at him, "No, I'm sorry. I'm ashamed of my action just now, please forgive me."

"Sansa, please look at me."

Reluctantly, I did. He gave me a sad smile while he shook his head and looked even more in pain. Again I felt even more terrible.

"No Sansa, don't apologize, please. Sansa… I can't even begin to express how sorry I am for causing you to live such a life… I really am sorry Sansa. Please don't hold back on my account and just please say anything you need to say," pleaded.

I knew how bad he felt. I knew he was blaming himself for everything. He shouldn't and I knew the angel heritage in me had boundless unconditional love, patience and understanding but being able to feel again brought so much… so much to ponder on…

"Mr. Targaryen…" I started.

"Please call me Aegon," he said softly.

"A-aegon…." I tried and he sighed. "Being able to feel again after a century's worth of numbness makes me feel... unwanted emotions… negative emotions that would never even cross my mind when I was who I was before… emotions that even if I could feel now, I don't want to feel. Yet...they were easier to name."

"Go on," he said gently.

"Please know that I don't want to upset you, especially after your kindness…"

"Sansa…please, don't worry about my feelings. I want to know how you feel, please," he begged and I sighed.

"How do I put it… my…let's say I have a heart. My heart is telling me to feel... upset at you for many reasons…to be _angry_ with you… to _loathe_ you… to blame each and everything on you…even my mind thinks that it's normal to do so and human logic says it is understandable. But I'm not human and I know better. I may feel those things, I may wince whenever I see you but I don't mean them. And I don't want to feel them. They are just fleeting feelings. I bear no grudges," I said slowly but with conviction.

He took it all in, his eyes incredibly kind and sad. "I appreciate your kindness Sansa but each time I look at you, knowing what you were, knowing what you became, knowing how Jon struggles and how he tries his best not to, I feel really guilty."

"Can I ask you something, Aegon?"

He looked confused but nodded, "Certainly."

"Did you have a choice?"I asked seriously.

He was taken by surprise from the question and I let him stew with his thoughts. I waited patiently as he thought then he met my gaze and answered, "I'd like to believe that there was always something else that could've been done."

"Do you truly believe that?" I asked, tilting my head. 

He closed his eyes for a minute, his head pressed against his steepled fingers, as he braced himself with his elbows on the table. "I thought about it over and over. Maybe there was, maybe there wasn't. But my siblings insist that there was none. Some days it's easy... easy to believe I did what was the best thing to do at that time. Some days... it's not. Especially with Jon. He struggles the most even if he tries to hide it. We don't need to read his mind to see."

"Who changed you? What happened? Help me understand. I... I believe them, please know that I do for some reason. I believe that you didn't have a choice. Aegon... I know Jon was my priority when we were who we were before, but I saw you too. I  _know_ you too. I've seen you all when you were humans. I couldn't read your minds of course, only Jon's but... I do know you, and Rhaenys..." I wanted to reach for his hand but held myself, my initial anger and re-resentment at him fading away into something else I couldn't name, but it was still there - the image of seeing him turn Jon was the most vivid memory I had. 

"I also want to tell you that I saw you. I saw you as...as what you are now before when I still guarded Jon. I knew you were missing for months. We thought you dead. But then... at the hospital, I saw you. With Jon... I saw you... change him."

He took a deep breath before nodding. "It's true. I didn't have a choice. When I was deployed in the Air Force, I never made it to base. I was...taken. And the next thing I knew, I was in a sunless room and changed already. I was kept in that dark room for a month with nothing. Then I felt it. The  _thirst._ This...peculiar thirst for pain. There were too many - it was maddening. Pain. Whatever was happening where they kept me, people were in pain. Then I smelt smoke, and fire, and burning... When I realized what was happening, I stopped... feeding. At least for a while. But then it was clear to me that whoever was in pain was being tortured. So I fed. It took some time to get it right, but when I started feeding from the pain, the screams from the other side stopped. And that was when I met my maker," he paused.

"He was... an ancestor of ours. Aegon the first. He was... he was completely mad. Going on and on about handpicking  _dragons._ Him and a red priestess took me and changed me. The red priestess saw that my...generation was...  _gifted._ To make the long story short, he wanted me and my siblings as well as our aunt."

I gaped at him. "So that's why... Rhaenys... and Jon... wait, aunt? You don't mean - "

He sighed. "Daenerys."

"He was able to track down Dany and Viserys and went on to change them - made me watch. His method... was cruel. He would feed until only a few drops were left before forcing them to drink from him and then, barely alive he would burn them. He loved watching them burn. Viserys, our uncle didn't survive, but Dany did. I tried to feed from them - take away their pain, but weeks before, he forced fed me his blood. Feeding from him dulled my natural thirst. I found out then that Aegon I's thirst was fear. That's why he was prone to torture. He also told me that there was no greater pleasure than combining the two thirsts - the basic and the unique."

"That's-" I shook my head and trembled. I tried to find words but I couldn't. So I decided to just ask. "Aegon, can you please explain to me about a vampire's thirst? I thought blood-drinkers were rare. I thought you didn't need to feed on blood."

"We don't. But back to maybe a millennia or more, there were only traditional blood-drinkers. It came from the instinct that blood is the most basic life sustenance. Then evolution came, and other...  _thirsts_ started to emerge. At first they came hand-in-hand, neither living without the other. Until one superseded the other. How that happened, no one can say. But it's been known that we develop our unique thirsts depending on our human psyche. Like myself. I've lived a life of pain with my illness when I was human. So now, instead of pain killing me, it's what keeps me alive. But if we didn't want to feed on that, the next option would be to drink blood, but nothing but human blood alone can satiate," he explained. "Though we can eat human food, we could only taste a fraction of it as well as just a miniscule fraction of its substance."

"I...I see." But before I could say anything else, he cut me off.

"We've strayed a bit. But to answer your main question, I changed Rhaenys and Jon because I didn't want to subject them to  _him._ I had no choice. He was going to turn them one way or another, and my way is painless. They were already dying when he marked them. Poison. It was _poison._ I considered letting them die so they wouldn't have to be stuck like this, but in the end, I had no choice," he looked at me, willing me to understand. 

And I couldn't help but give one nod then another, and finally just kept nodding at him that I understood, my eyes watering once more. What was this feeling? What was this... lurch... I suddenly felt compelled to grab his hand so I did. 

He looked taken aback but then he didn't pull away as his face drew when he watched me weep. 

Sympathy.

This was sympathy.

"W-what did he want? to achieve I mean?" I asked, trying to keep rational than  _feel_ things I didn't understand yet. 

He shook his head. "I don't know. But he kept us locked away. All four of us. Until one day, when he tried to harm the girls - " he paused then and I felt like something in me wilted when I saw the rage in his eyes, the clench in his jaw, the grip of his fists. "Jon and I killed him."

I pulled my hand away and stared at him in shock. "H-how?"

He smiled wryly and looked away. "We drained him to full consumption. Beheaded him. Then burned him." 

"So...you're all free now? What of the red priestess?"

He looked at me grimly. "We killed her too."

I suddenly felt faint.  _We._ The word resonated.  _Jon and I killed him._ I sucked in a breath.  _We killed her too._

Jon... Aegon... Rhaenys... Daenerys... 

They had to... 

I shook my head. I shouldn't judge. They had no choice. They had no choice. They had no choice. 

Oh but their innocence... 

Blood on their hands. 

Stains in their memories.

I swallowed a lump and faced him. "Aegon. You all did...what you had to do. I understand. You all did what you had to do. If you didn't... I fear for what could've happened. It's not your fault - nor anyone else's."

"Sansa… it took me a while to be at peace with it, save for the occasional guilt. But mostly, I made peace with it. My family made sure of it. No one really thinks of it and we just live on and moved past it. And we're... happy. Not all the time, but we are. But just because what I did was... justified, the knowledge that my action affected you too...  that you had to endure too... it changes everything," He pressed.

I shook my head. "It...doesn't have to be."

He ignored me. "I can't even begin to imagine what you went through. Living on Death alone. It's a hard life."

I sighed and looked away. "How do you know it's a hard life?"

"I'm sorry for assuming, it's not right but it is hard to believe that you don't feel remorseful after being numb to everything except the call of death for a century."

"That's right. I felt _nothing._ It's only now that I could feel. Sure looking back, thinking of my existence as Death, it looks miserable, and I should feel miserable but the thing is right now, I'm not the same Death anymore. I'm freer and I could feel. Would I spend my first day of feeling again on things hurtful and things that are now in the past? I meant what I said, I bear no grudges."

I watched as he took everything in. I have put things behind me. There were more to think about and watch out for, now that he made me understand. I can forgive him this. Forgive him for changing Jon. Forgive him for inadvertently, changing me in the process. But I don't know if I can completely forgive him for what Jon...lost. I said I bore no grudges. That was still true. But it's going to take some time to fully forgive him. But I won't make him feel it. I won't hang this over him. He didn't know. It's not his fault. I'm mad at the circumstance. Not him. It was after all, the possibility of Paradise that was lost.

As if reading my mind - maybe he could now? - he placed a finger under my chin and made me face him. "Sansa, I just want to ask something but you don't need to answer if you don't want to but if I hadn't turned Jon… what would've happened?" he asked seriously.  _He knows. He gets it now._

I hesitated but I didn't let it show. This man was a masochist.

"Do you really want to know, Aegon? You know where the question is heading," I said simply.

He nodded and held my eyes with his sad ones," I really do."

I sighed and looked away, "When I was guarding Jon… I could hear all his thoughts… I knew all his feelings…his dreams… and I also knew the choices that were laid out in front of him every second of his life and knew the outcomes of each choice. During his last days, I could no longer see such choices and from that moment I knew he was going to die. And he did die."

"Sansa, you're avoiding the question…"

I took a deep breath and faced him, "Okay, I'm sorry for that and I'm sorry for what you're about to hear. Aegon, Jon, until the end..was a good person."

He swallowed and looked down slowly, "I took heaven away from Jon." He was right. If Jon truly died, he could've gone to heaven. But thinking of what-ifs were counterproductive. I may have my own feelings about it, but that wouldn't change anything. It was already too late. What was done, was done. 

"You see, some questions are better off unanswered," I whispered as I reached for his hand but he pulled away. I leant forward and tried again. He let me. "Aegon don't feel bad. It happened because it happened. I'm sure what happened was what was meant to happen. We don't really know. Jon doesn't regret being changed. I know that. You know that. Sure it doesn't take much to know that he struggles but who doesn't? We're here so we must have a purpose."

He sat still and didn't say anything - couldn't even face me. 

"To be honest, the first thought that I felt when I saw him was how this was my fault that I couldn't do anything to prevent him from being changed and go through a lot of ordeals…suffer… but when I look at him and see him look at me, I see no blame in his eyes. Well, no, he blamed himself that I became Death but clearly we both know it's not. So you see blaming would get us nowhere evidently. The fact that we feel guilt and initially see the fault as ours proves how pointless pointing of fingers is. No one blames anyone other than himself. No one is mad at what they came to be. The only mad feeling is how we feel for what happened to the other. Clearly everyone accepted each of their own circumstances. That's why I wanted to talk to you. I knew you would feel this way. And I had to tell you what I felt. Yes, I'm...angry but like I said before, I don't want to _feel_ angry. And that I  _understand._ I'm just... I just need help processing. I'm still having trouble naming my feelings."

He nodded as he mulled over what I said. He placed a hand on mine, on top of the one that was holding his other hand and looked at me earnestly. "We'll help you. Anything you need. You're part of us now. And you're right, the past is written, the ink is dry."

I felt it again as it rolled in waves over me from his sincerity.  _Awe. Touched. Pleasant._

I didn't want to cry again so I gave him a brief smile and prompted to change the topic. "It's...your turn to ask."

"There are so many questions. But for now, you mentioned before that not all become, well, an angel of death when one becomes one of our kind…"

"I know where this is going and I honestly don't know the answer. There is a possibility that your angel became like me or Rhaenys' or Daenerys' did too but we don't really know."

"I see, but how is that different for your case? Why did _you_ become an angel of death?"

I shrugged. Didn't I make myself clear before? "That's easy. It's because I love Jon. I always have, and I always will."

He looked at me with a funny expression then broke into a grin. It was my turn to get confused.

"What? It's true."

He chuckled and ran a hand on his long silver hair.

"What's funny?"

"I'm sorry, it's not polite to laugh at that. It's just… it's so… honest. You said it unhesitatingly and seriously."

I said nothing. What was the big deal? All angels loved their protected, well, I did cross the line of loving to a different lev - … _oh._

If I was a human, I would be blushing madly right now. Instead, I looked away.

"Sansa, correct me if I'm wrong but from my knowledge, angels are kind loving beings and that they hold love for everyone and everything."

I nodded, "Yes. Angels hold unconditional love."

"So would it be safe to assume that all angels love their, speaking from your terminology, _protected or guarded_?"

"Yes, yes that's again true."

"Then what makes you different? You said you became an angel of death because you love Jon, so that would mean that since you said all angels love their guarded then all angels would become like you when their guarded change to become a vampire," he said. He was on to something.

"Well, attachments are different." Like me for instance, I was very attached to Jon. So attached that I became a very close mirror of what he is now. In fact, I refused to be untethered yet it happened anyway.

He smiled a knowing smile, "Okay, I have my answer. Thank you. But I do have another query, if you don't mind. Just one more."

I nodded, "Okay."

"You said you knew what I was, could you see other beings as well?"

"Of course. I see your kind everywhere and I see other beings that are deemed mythical and I know there are more that I don't even know of. But I can't see beings like myself, white or black. Fallens, I could see but that's the closest that I ever saw that's angelic. Oh and only fallens can see us as well," I explained.

"That's fascinating!" he said, his eyes lighting up. I knew he wanted to know more but he wasn't going to break his promise so I would permit him to ask one more question.

"How do you know all these? Where do you get your knowledge?"

There it is. I smiled. "Everyone was born given the seven heavenly virtues, only, for us, it comes natural to us. Our gifts were sort of magnified a bit because it's needed for us to guide and guard. Hence our knowledge is vast. We would only ask and the answers find us someway somehow. That's how we know our duties. But now that I'm becoming a fallen, well, getting knowledge wouldn't be that easy anymore."

"I see, thank you for sharing your knowledge to us. It's refreshing and I want to know more but, I don't want you wear you out. You need to rest and recover," he said with a smile.

"Thank you too for your hospitality and for your care," I said. "It's refreshing for me as well, having to finally talk to others other than myself. I didn't even think this was possible."

He patted my arm and it felt… nice and sweet… "Well, it's a good thing that you've never actually felt the feeling of loneliness, in a way. You had  Jon, when you were his angel and you were numb when you were Death, so it's good that you didn't feel it. It's a painful feeling. Being alone."

I blinked. Was it? "Perhaps." 

He wanted to say something further but a knock interrupted us.

"Oh, that must be Rhaenys. Come in love," he called out.

She went in and smiled at us, "I'm sorry for barging in but I bumped into a very _very_ baffled looking Jon carrying a funny expression, saying he… needed to run for a bit…or feed…and that he would be back soon."

Jon left? I wonder why? Something I said must've affected him somehow. I wonder what?

Aegon grinned at Rhaenys who beamed at him… they shared a knowing look. What was that?

 

* * *

_**Jon** _

_Sansa loved me? Always had and always will? Angels loved their guarded but differ in attachments… what does that mean?_

_Sansa loves me?_

I kept on running and shaking my head at my thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the real inspiration for this story came when I was on the long trip home lightyears ago in ancient history whatever era dinosaurs etc etc, and I had the "Death and all his friends" album playing on my iPod mini video (yes, yes, I am on my late twenties shut up). Then Violet Hill was playing and I had an image of a female angel of death looking below from a bell tower or a rooftop of a very tall building during a blizzard while she contemplated on what being death after all this years had been for her. I imagined her flying and walking around as she collected souls. And then the idea of her not having any emotions or being numb to any feeling but that of the call of death came. Why? So she can do her duty without any hitches that emotion and attachment that could hinder her. Death must be fair. Death must be black and white, no gray. And then I had to give her a reason on why she was contemplating. So I thought, maybe she wasn't always Death. What if she was a former guardian angel that changed? And then the album "Parachutes" started and Shiver played. And boom. A former guardian angel became the angel of death when the human she guarded died and turned into a vampire. Mirror images of death. And as a writing exercise, I thought why not base all the chapters to a particular Coldplay song? Challenge accepted! And there you go. Just a little background information to this bound to be confusing until you reach the end story. Haha. That, and all the chapters are tied with the song I paired them with. Thanks for reading!


	9. White Shadows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very confused Jon. Also, since I failed with asking my sister to make a fanart for me, I had to google. Image doesn't belong to me but I wanted you guys to see how I envision Sansa. Oh and I placed images on the first two chapters in case you missed it. And as with every chapter, the boxed texts are lyrics from the Coldplay song the chapter is based on. Enjoy!

                       

 

| When I was a young boy I tried to listen  
And I wanna feel like that  
Little white shadows  
blink and miss them  
Part of a system, I am |

 

_**Jon** _

 

So there I was staying still as a statue on my bed after moving from the window, while listening to Aegon and Sansa's conversation. And here I am now, running away.

I stopped running as soon as I've reached the Godswood. No one but my other brother comes here. Though it's covered in snow, I lay down on the cold damp white carpet and watched more fall on me. It's true what they say that no two snowflakes look alike. I could easily picture all the crystalline cuts and details of each ice slate and catch them one by one without destroying them.

I took a deep breath, opened my eyes and in a swift movement I was sitting upright holding out my upturned palm as I let one crystal fall gingerly on my hand. As I examined it I reflected on some of the things Sansa said to Aegon while deliberately avoiding one little thing she said to him. _I would save that for last._

I shook my head and watched as snow scattered in different directions from each swing then dropped on the white carpet. I might've looked like a big black dot on this white sheet because of my dark hair and black clothes, and from that thought I immediately remembered Sansa. This must be what she felt like all the time. The only black against the white. I shared her sentiments in some way. Being what I am, I've always felt that I wasn't meant to exist. No matter how hard we pretend to blend in with human life, we could never be. We would still be what we are no matter how we try to cover it. 

I sighed and balanced the snowflake delicately on my finger as easy as touching a bubble without bursting it leisurely. The only thing that differentiates us from Sansa is that we had the privilege of a _choice_. We could easily choose to let our primal urge take over and satiate our...need to feed, but we chose not to. We did away from blood drinking completely for decades now, ultimately choosing to satiate our other thirst. We didn't need to kill to feed. Something I learned the hard way, given my unique thirst of death. But Sansa… she had no choice. It was death or nothing. It was her job, her duty, her life.

And what really gets me thinking is that I live and complain about my existence but for Sansa… she accepted it. I know I've been struggling. Living off _death -_ it's essence... having to look for dying people... feeding on the essence of their deaths... it was never 'pleasan't in theory though it was the moment I started feeding. Still, it makes me uncomfortable getting satiated from it after. It wasn't like Aegon and his feeding from pain. It wasn't like Rhaenys and her thirst for heat...the others... My thirst isn't something _easy_ like dreams, love, even lust. Like Aegon and his ability to _take_ the pain away, I could hasten one's death just as easily too. But I would never. At least, nine decades and going, I didn't. Still wouldn't. I've had years to perfect my patience. Waiting as one died naturally was the only way I could live with myself. 

I sighed. I still didn't understand completely why it was my manifested thirst. But meeting Sansa brings up a lot of questions. I thirst for death. _She_ was death. She mentioned mirrors. She mentioned attachments. Too much of a coincidence. 

I pushed those thoughts away for now because it was better to discuss those with Sansa herself. She admitted that she didn't exactly knew why we met again and at this moment but she discussed the possibility with Aegon that maybe it was written. Yes, it was better to discuss theories with her. Maybe we could help each other understand why. We have eternity.

 

I shifted my attention instead, to the snowflake resting on my finger and watched as I could see each color sparkle from its spectrum as the light hits it with my heightened vision. I watched as it glistened. It reminded me of my dreams which were coming back clearer and clearer. I am sure now that it was Sansa I dreamt about when I was still human. She was like this snow, glowing, sparkling and white. _Beautiful._

Scratch that. She still is. No amount of death or her black wings could ever make her a dark shadow. She had too much light in her to be darkness. It was there in those sky blue eyes of hers and it was there in her feather light touches. 

I shivered. To my cold skin, this snow is nothing but it is enough to give me the slightest shiver like I felt from her touch. I knew before that I felt this same shiver once in a while when I was human. Now I really knew it was her. She was the white shadow I kept seeing, hovering over me. She was the calming presence I felt, the reassuring touch I craved… and she was mine.

I blinked.

She was mine. That was a fact. She was my guardian angel and once upon a time she lived for _me_. I scrunched up my face from sudden anguish. Yes, she was mine…but it was because I was her _duty._ I know she is bound to me once more for some reason she won't say but its duty bound once more I'm sure.

I shook my head.

Why do I even bother if she was bound to me or not? Why do I even bother to feel that I don't want her to be mine just because she has to? 

I sighed. Is it because I've never been a fan of living a life with boundaries, restrictions, or duties? Is it because I thought it was wrong to be forced to live with circumstances you never had a say in?

But despite wanting her to be unbound to me, why was it that there was a small part that  _wants_ it? 

Like right now, I felt her absence. It was clear. It was strong. 

Did it work both ways? 

Was I bound to  _her_ too? 

Because every stretch of distance from her was suddenly heavy. I wanted to be near her _always_. There's this  _pull_ that I can't explain. Was it because she was Death and that was my thirst? Or was it something... _more?_

The moment my skin touched hers I felt  _it._ I heard chains. I felt the pull that has been growing stronger and stronger. 

Duty or something...more? 

Then she said something that shook me.

I sighed as I twirled the snowflake gently, my ice skin preserving it.

What was really bothering me was Sansa loving me.

Love. I knew what love is. I've read all kinds of definitions and explanations. I've watched countless films and shows depicting this. I've seen pictures, paintings, sculptures, and even acts emulating this emotion. I see it each moment Aegon looks at Rhaenys… how Rhaenys looks at him back… their relationship... it was unorthodox being trueborn siblings. But in this new life, we've been released from the norm, released from the consequences of such union, more importantly, procreation. The only way we could increase our family number was to _turn_ another mortal. And we could hardly begrudge them their happiness. Love. I see it each time from my... other siblings… and I've felt it from them and experienced it as I show them I love them back. 

I know that the love I have for them was a whole different thing that they are experiencing with their better half and how I convinced myself I didn't need that kind of love. But all my ideals, my beliefs are changing…

It's because of my white shadow.

Sansa.

Though I could hardly comprehend all the cacophony of feelings and emotions that course through me, pulsating and demanding, I knew it was somewhere there. Now I have a much better question.

Why do I care to know if Sansa loved me because she was designed like that, to love – to love unconditionally or if she loved me because it was really of her own free will to love me? Why do I care to know if she loves me from her _own_ accord? Does she even have free will?

Angels always loved their guarded. That's what she told Aegon. But she mentioned attachment variability. How deep would the attachment be for a guardian angel to become an angel of death? Why do I care enough to think that her attachment to me was so great that it led to her transformation?

Such arrogant thoughts! How could I wish that? Or worse, how could I wish that her love transcended past duty for me that ending up as death was a price she willingly paid? How could I even think about being happy with the idea that she loves me? Where did that even come from? Why should I want it?

I wasn't worth it.

Before I was just a normal young boy who listened to his parents and tried to do good. But that was it. I was just an ordinary boy who died. Nothing special. There was nothing special in those eighteen years that I could remember. I remembered almost nothing. The only memories I could recall were of my mother and that was when she was dying, how one by one, a loved one had either died or had gone missing, my painful transformation and just recently… my dreams of Sansa…

Now, I'm even more unworthy of her love. Because she became a mirror of who I am – a being capable of being lethal, she became death. I was a monster and she was death. Maybe it wasn't the attachment that turned her into death. Maybe it was because of  _me -_ of my fate of thirsting for death. I lived _off_ death, she  _took_ death. When a mortal dies, I can get it's essence, she can take that soul and ferry it. What a pair we'd make. I thought grimly. Maybe Aegon and Sansa got it wrong. Maybe I condemned us both. Because it was something in my psyche that lead to my death thirst. Aegon changed me, but that was it. He had no control over how I would manifest. It was something  _in_ me. 

Ah! Why do I even care if I deserve her or not? If anything, I _owed_ her. I owed her a lot. But for me to think that she was mine?

I shook my head once more.

Technically, I just met her. What is she to me? What am I to her…?

I closed my eyes and let the snowflake drop. I trained my senses to follow the flake's plummet and hear it fall on the white carpet but it never did. Instead, I heard it drop on something closer than the ground. And I also heard…bells.

I opened my eyes and saw her crouched with her knees bent in front of me and I was taken from her beauty. She was facing sideways from me so I was able to see that she was wearing a black backless long dress with long sleeves, her collar trimmed with faux fur. The material was wool from what I could tell and it clung to her body beautifully and made her white skin stand out. I could see why it was backless as her ebony wings protruded from her back were big and curved around her. I heard tinkling once more and saw that she tied her velvet strewn bells laced around her boot covered ankles that peeked out a slit on her dress. 

Her hair swished and my eyes trailed from the long fiery locks to her milky neck to her tilted delicate face. Her mouth was slightly parted and her blue eyes were half-lidded, emphasizing her long lashes that framed them as she examined her upturned palm. On her palm was my snowflake.

I stared at her unabashedly, racking my brain for words…any words to break the deafening silence. I could stay and watch her like this forever without moving but part of me wanted to reach out and touch her, hear her silky voice as something I thought was lost stirred within me.

Then I found my voice.

"Sansa…" I said my voice rough and she turned her face slowly to face me, unblinking, unreadable and I lost my voice once more.

We held our gazes for quite some time when she shifted her sight away from me and back to her palm. She half-smiled.

"You have an eye for detail. This is the prettiest snowflake from what I've seen today," she said, her voice so soft and barely above a whisper.

I tried to smile. "I beg to differ. I see a snowflake that far surpasses any beauty I've ever seen."

She looked back at me and cocked an eyebrow, "Oh? I am certain this is it. Can you point it out then? I wish to see it."

"Ah, sweetling, that would require a mirror for you," I said sheepishly, cringing internally while I imagined my siblings' expressions.

She just stared at me, then looked down at her palm again and played with the fragile white crystal absentmindedly, the corner of her mouth turning downwards. I made her frown once more.

"Surely you don't mean me. Snow is white. I'm not white. Not anymore." she said slowly. "Not for a very long time."

I was right before. Though she admitted she has accepted her fate, it didn't mean she couldn't feel something about it once in a while.

"Look here Sansa," I said while catching another snowflake.

She looked at my palm and watched curiously, a question on her lips.

I continued. With my free hand, I took out a titanium fountain pen I borrowed from Aegon. I then carefully placed the tip of the pen on the flake, attempted to warm it a bit, just enough to let ink flow by rubbing it with the driest portion of my jacket and let the ink coat the flake.

When I was done, I presented my product to Sansa's curious gaze as she looked up at me waiting for an explanation.

"Snow is white, right Sansa? But right now, what do you see? What color do you see on my palm?" I asked her.

"The snowflake is black now from the ink, but I don't understand why you did that…" she answered.

I smiled at her, "You're right that the snow is black from the ink but its still snow right? And what's the color of snow again, Sansa?"

Then enlightenment shone in her eyes as she smiled brightly, "Snow is white."

I nodded, "Yes. See? No matter how we change the color of snow, underneath all the colors in the world, snow would still be naturally white. Snow would always be white. It just is. And so when I say you're the loveliest snowflake, you say, 'I know Jon. Thank you.'"

She laughed and the sound of bells rang in the air once more. She met my gaze and smiled shyly, "Thank you Jon."

I shook my head, "You didn't say it right," I teased.

Her brow puckered a bit in mock coercion but her smile never left her face, "Do I have to?"

I chuckled, "Yes."

She laughed again then fixed her face into a serious poker expression, "I know Jon. Thank you," she said in a dead pan manner and I couldn't help but laugh because she made her voice deep as she tried to imitate mine.

She laughed with me but then met my gaze once more. "But seriously, thank you."

If I was still human, I might've been as red as her hair. I ran a hand through my hair then shrugged, "Just telling the truth. Lying is bad right?"

She smiled and raised a brow, "Yeah but that's not what I'm thanking you for."

I adjusted my position so that I was lying on my side, facing her with my head propped on my elbow. "Then what?"

She looked down shyly and made patterns on the snow, "Thank you for seeing my light," then I stopped breathing as she looked up at me with her eyes swimming in emotions, a corner of her lips turned upward.

I fumbled for words, "Oh, that…well, I ah…"

Then she looked away and concentrated on something far away.

"What's wrong?"

She sighed, "I feel more death around me…"she whispered.

I was immediately concerned, "What do you mean?"

"I should rephrase. I feel more dead are around me. Are you expecting visitors?" she asked not looking at me. Then I heard them.

I half-smiled at her, "No. But we are expecting the rest of the family home."

She faced me with eyebrows raised, "There are…more of you…together? I mean, more than you three and Daenerys? "

I smiled at her, "Yes. Sansa, let's go back. I want you to meet the rest of my family."

 

Then she smiled, "Your smile is so warm when you say, family," then her smile faltered a bit. "But what would they say about me? I don't want to cause...anything."

I took her hand and squeezed. "Sansa, you were my guardian angel. I don't think they're likely to push you away." That and the fact that I was finally interacting with a girl. 

She blinked, and I was sure she didn't completely believed me but she nodded all the same. 

I smiled then and stood up quickly. I held my hand towards her and she took it shyly as I pulled her up. "Let's go?" 

She had a look in her eyes that was borderline mischievous.

"What?"

"I wonder..." she said as she eyed me.

I was about to reply but she cut me off with a sudden spread of her wings.

"Race you!" she called out before taking off.

I chuckled, "No fair! You have wings!" then I dashed after her.

There was definitely something that changed within me since I met her.

When I ran from her to gather my thoughts, there was the  _ache_ and an overcast shadow - a veil over me. But when she came to me, the ache was gone, the veil lifted, and everything seemed to look brighter.

Now that she was here, with me close to her heels as I chased her, I agreed with her that for whatever reason, our meeting was in no way accidental. As she said, maybe this was written. We just had to find out  _why_ and  _what for_.

All I know is that whatever it was I was feeling right now, it was close to love if it wasn't it already. I can't explain it. She told me she loved me then and she loved me _always._  Maybe somehow, I  _did_ too. I just didn't know it yet. All I know is that I kept dreaming of someone even then, even now. Maybe this was also the reason I was never compelled to find my better half before. Maybe I've always known. Maybe this was the only way we could meet. 

But then she also said that I was... heaven bound. That's why she struggled with her feelings for Aegon for unknowingly hampering that. I still don't know how to feel about that...losing heaven. If I lost heaven, then she lost it too. Did she think about that? Surely she did. And suddenly I felt a gnawing feeling within me. What was heaven, anyway? So many times I felt like I was in hell, maybe heaven was like that too. 

There were so many things. But now after losing the ache, the lifting of the veil, I was sure now. I  _wanted_ to know. 

 

_"I love Jon. I always have, and I always will."_

I heard it. 

I heard her say it many times.

 

But it wasn't enough.

_"All angels loved their protected."_

_"Angels hold unconditional love."_

What if she was  _designed_ to love me? 

Was that even real?

I want to know.

I need to know.

I  _need_ to know if she loved me of her own choosing. 

While it definitely stirred something in me, maybe I could even admit to... _longing..._ I have to know if her love for me wasn't just borne of obligation.

Because pull or night, the feelings that were awakening from me, weren't.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'll be going on a trip and come back for an exam come Easter Sunday so it's going to take a week or two before I update any of my stories. Anyway, thank you for reading and I'd love to hear from you! Let me know your questions and your theories and any thing I might've missed. :)


	10. Sleeping Sun

_**Sansa** _

**|** When you've got a secret Then you've got to keep it When you have a question Answers will come Running and hiding Taking dividing You've got your secrets I've only got the Sleeping Sun|

 

Flight.

I closed my eyes as I reveled the feel of the wind on my face as I opened the door. It was only now that I remembered how much I loved flying now that my senses – my feelings have returned to me. The moment that Rhaenys said that Jon left, the _pull_ he had on me came at me with full force. The bond we had before was truly stronger now due to our changed state. But more on that later.

Before I flew I tested my wings. I took out the bandages and flapped my right wing a little.

_Ah._

I couldn't help but smile. _I can fly again._

In my excitement, I walked out the door and poised myself for take-off when I felt someone behind me.  _Rhaenys._

I looked back and she carried a concerned look. 

"Yes, Rhaenys?" I tried to smile at her.

She smiled back and said shyly, "Sansa, you're going to go fetch Jon, right?"

I nodded at her.

She smiled wider before looking concerned again. "It's awfully cold and snowing hard – aren't you cold?"

Cold? She mentioned cold so I shivered. For me it didn't really matter that I could feel pain in any form because I knew that since I was to be a shadow of who Jon is, then I would be as indestructible as him. And as my wings have proven, I healed fast. I still don't know if I'm the first to ever be this way considering almost all fallens became humans – well, shadows of humans anyway. While I always knew the possibility of it, I never met one like me. Most become mortals. They talk, eat, breathe and function as humans but they would always still have that angelic quality in them.

So back to the question, yes, I am cold but it's a bearable cold. So I answered, "I know you are concerned. Thank you but I can take the cold. The first of my transformation… my temperature… it's almost the same as yours."

She smiled in understanding, "I see. But do take these shoes. I can't have you walking around or flying barefoot." She said as she held out a pair of black heeled boots. I took them gratefully and studied them. I never cared for wearing shoes before since I rarely walk but I guess I have to get used to the idea now.

I sat down and untied my bells. Rhaenys held out a pair of long socks and I put them on first, before slipping on the boots then quickly strapping my bells back. Miraculously, my shackle was no detriment.  When I was done I looked up and saw Rhaenys nodding in approval before she walked up the grand staircase throwing a smile at me. "Take care."

"Thank you," I replied then I stepped outside and closed the door.

A cold draft greeted me that my eyes shut automatically from that sudden icy wind. I held my hand to my face and shielded my eyes. I squinted through my hands as I scanned the scene before me. Everything was white. Snow kept falling down making a carpet of white shards to which beneath lies black ice that was invisible to a driver's eyes.

All around, there were warning signs.

I should know. I've seen this before. I've sent too many a souls of people driving around, completely oblivious to the slippery ice road that would lead to their deaths. Whether to be glad or not, I wasn't sure what I should be feeling, knowing that this time, I won't be the one who will hear their call at this moment. Once I've fully become a fallen Death, there was only one kind of soul I could send. 

Only one...

I let out a sigh as the draft came to its end leaving a placid picture of slow falling snow on the white blanketed ground. I looked up and saw the sky dark with patches of gray and spots of white. I took three steps forward, sloshing holes on the laden path then I bent my knees and with one swift push I was airborne.

I looked to my left then shifted to my right and finally faced front. All I saw was snow. To a normal person, one would've said that he saw the same thing. But for me it wasn't the same thing. Snow was unique – at least each individual snowflake was. Each sparkle, each crack, each cut, and each pattern – they were different. I could go on an on about how each angle of each flake differed but they seem irrelevant right now. I used to be as white as snow but now the only similarity we hold is cold.

I shivered.

I shut my eyes and decided to push all those thoughts away and enjoy the flight while I could. For all I knew this could be the last time. I still had six days until I lose my wings completely, but I couldn't fly that liberally because for one, I can be seen now. I had a reflection. I was completely visible. 

And then I felt  _it._

The pull.

Stronger than ever, almost causing me to stop midflight once more. This could only mean one thing.

Jon  _needed_ me.

From that realization, I flew full blast to where he was. I didn't need to look for him because I belonged to him now and as _his,_ he only had to need me and I would be by his side in no time.

I was his.

…Not just because I was bound to him once more…no. I _allowed_ myself to be his – even though I could've escaped this fate.

_Twice._

I could've escaped this fate twice. And I believe I still have one more shot. _That_ I knew.

I bit my lip.

 _That_ he must never know.

My mouth formed a thin line and my eyebrows furrowed. Why don't I just let go? Why can't I just leave? Why can't I just leave him?

I let myself decelerate gradually in tune with the sudden turn of my feelings. My eyes opened halfway and I let out a soft breath. It was simple.

I love him.

I have loved him ever since he was born and it grew and grew as he grew and grew and it never died. It lay dormant for my century of numbness but it never died. It was the only thing that I, being Death could not kill. I smirked at the irony.

My undying love for Jon made me Death.

I shook my head and cast that last thought away. I sighed as I am now unearthing all the feelings denied to me when I was numb. Then the truth came.

I looked down on the ground and watched my black shadow cast on the light canvass below me as the truth came out.

Just because you stop feeling doesn't mean that those feelings die _._ Like being caught in a red light, you stop. You stop knowing that time will come when the light turns green again. Where you go is the thing to consider. Move forward? Or turn around?

Right now there was only one direction where I need to go. Only one. Yet why is it that I see yellow lights flashing in front of me?

 _Because there were consequences_ – I reminded myself. This wasn't going to be the slightest bit easy. But I'm not going to dwell on that right now. No one knows but me what can or can't happen. But right now, Jon is my priority – no matter what happens to me.

His needs far surpass my own.

And just like that I found him. There across the ashen plains I saw a black dot. I smiled. There he was. He was deep in thought and he was playing with something on his hand. Then I saw it. It was a snowflake. I watched as he closed his eyes while he let it drop from his palm. 

Before it landed, I caught it and dropped as gently as I could in front of him, my bells tingling from the motion.

I examined the ice crystal over and over and saw that it had the most exquisite cut. I admit...I was buying time by doing this. I knew he was troubled with something. I wish I could hear his mind like I could before but alas, I cannot anymore. I am to be his equal so I cannot surpass him right now…though the scales between us are tipping over, with his side dropping. But that was only temporary. Just for now. 

I'll make sure to reverse that. 

I just need a little more time... time for - 

He then broke the silence and my thoughts by saying my name. He said it in such a low gruff voice that possessed me and I was torn from reversing our scales right here, right now before an overwhelming sadness washed over me, stopping me. Seeing that he was a black dot in white paper – as I was… I believe this is what humans are always saying that they are feeling…pensive… maybe even melancholy...a feeling I've seen but not truly felt before. 

At least until now.

I tried to lighten the tone so I commented on his choice of snowflake. I was saddened even more from his response. He implied that I was the prettiest snowflake. How can that be when I have darkness clinging to me? Yes, I wasn't before but for me the only time I felt nothing but the light was when I was still Jon's angel…his guardian angel… not like now… not his angel of death…

_His angel of death…_

Then he explained through example how I still had light. And he spoke with sincerity that I could not doubt – I could not doubt ever. It was then that I understood. We were the same he and I. We were both living with self-imposed illusions of never ending night. So it was only apt that I saw the light in his darkness…and he saw the light in mine.

That's a good sign. If he turned into a monstrosity – I fear of what I would become. I would be twice as deadly… what could be more deadly than death?

 _A reaper._ I would be a reaper.

Death would be unstoppable. I wouldn't need to hear death's call. I would just look at a person and cull him with but a look without needing a reason to. I would survive on souls. Had Jon given in – truly chosen to give in to a life of feasting on the blood of humans… caving in on his kind's primal urge - I would've survived on feasting on souls.

So it was good. He chose not to kill the innocent so I led a life of delivering souls that had the last drops of sand on their hourglass time.

I smiled. Yes. He had no reason to live a life of midnight. He is good. He has light. Maybe… there's hope for us after all.

For decades I walked, I ran, I flew all the while just doing my duty – relied on my duty… and… holding on to the memory of him. When I chose to walk that path in my existence – yes – it was a consequence based on a choice…I was aware that we could meet and we would know where to go from there.

I knew.

There were different new paths that were laid in front of us now – all were choices for _him_ to make.

 _I_ could change. _He_ could change. We both could change. We both could remain as we are. But all in all, we still had our own sleeping sun, hidden from the darkness of what we've become.

I was about to say something when I felt it – no – them. Jon noticed my sudden change as he asked, "What's wrong?"

I sighed and whispered in reply, "I feel more death around me…"

I felt the concern from him and he asked, "What do you mean?"

Still looking away, concentrating to see if they were threats, I answered quickly, "I should rephrase. I feel more dead around me. Are you expecting visitors?"

"No. But we are expecting the rest of the family home."

That surprised me. I faced him with eyebrows raised, "There are…more of you…together? I mean, more than you three and Daenerys"?

He smiled at me, "Yes. Sansa, let's go back. I want you to meet the rest of the family."

 

Then I smiled, "Your smile is so warm when you say, family. "But what would they say about me? I don't want to cause...anything."

I jumped a bit when I felt him take my hand and squeeze. "Sansa, you were my guardian angel. I don't think they're likely to push you away." 

I hesitated before nodding at him. 

 

I let him help me up and saw that despite the change in his demeanor, he still had that touch of... melancholy. So I had an idea on how to make him lighten up a bit. Well, to be completely honest, to make me lighten up too. 

So I poised myself then called out "Race you!" then I took off.

I heard him chuckling behind me and saying, "No fair! You have wings!"

I smiled. I did have wings…but not for long.

I was showing off a bit, I know. But when was the last time I really enjoyed just flying for myself? The answer would be _never_. I never flew for myself. I never had the luxury of freedom to want things or even just the feeling of wanting things for myself. So this moment here…is for me.

When I saw the mansion, I aimed for the roof. I coasted at a slow pace before I landed expertly with my left foot touching the edge of the roof first then I crouched with bent knees and propped my elbow on my knees and held my face, tilting a little at Jon who just arrived below me.

He cupped his hands over his mouth and raised his eyebrows at me, "Show off!"

I grinned sheepishly at him and shrugged, "Remember, I'm like your shadow now so your qualities are imbued in me. So by saying I'm a show off, it could be because I got it from you."

He chuckled while shaking his head. "Anyway, what are you doing up there?"

I thought for a while then shrugged, "I just like the altitude. But hang on, I'm coming down," I said as I adjusted myself and let my left leg dangle on the edge.

"No, no. I'll come up to you," he said raising his palms forward to stop me.

"Maybe next time… I think I should go down now… it would be weird if your...family found a giant black bird on their roof."

He laughed, "That would be funny though. Can't we do that?" he asked pleadingly.

I laughed while shaking my head, "No please. I'd…rather they saw me on solid ground…it's easier."

He sighed in mocked defeat, "Very well." then he looked up at me expectantly with that half-smile that I missed and held out his arms.

"What are you doing?"

"Well, if you're coming down, jump and I'll catch you," he said matter-of-factly.

I wrinkled my nose, "I can fly down you know…"

Unfazed he said, "I know but come on, it's not everyday you get to catch your angel."

I grimaced, "It's supposed to be the other way around!"

"I doubt you could carry me so come on Sansa, humor me – please?" I bit my lip. He said _please._

"Very well," I answered. So I stood up then watched as he stretched his arms out grinning beautifully that before I knew it I was falling… then…

"See? I told you I'd catch you?" I heard him whisper. I looked up at him and was momentarily dazzled. He was looking at me with those silver-glinted grey eyes with that uneven smile of his. He was beautiful.

He smiled wider then he spoke, "Sansa?"

I blinked then reviewed our position. He was carrying me bridal style and my arms must've instinctively wrapped themselves around his neck. I've… never had this level of proximity with him… not this way… not when it was two way…

I blinked again and smiled abashedly at him.

I didn't even realize that he started walking.

"Wait – wait! Put me down please, I can walk," I protested.

"I'm aware but I prefer you here," he answered as he opened the door.

"Jon…" I squeaked.

He sighed then let me down but his hands didn't leave my back.

"Thank you," I said and he grinned.

"Anytime," then he looked out. "They'll be here shortly. They've sensed you here though I doubt they know what you are."

I didn't know what to say so I just nodded.

Then after a minute, they came.

I couldn't contain my shock when I saw them. I almost let out a gasp. I knew them – I knew them all. At one point or another – I _saw_ them.

Their eyes darted from me to Jon then back – scrutinizing. I just stared back in response but I knew Jon felt me stiffen.

Then the smallest one, with the platinum hair and piercing violet eyes grinned at me and made a step forward. It was Daenerys, Jon's aunt. But she was held back by the tallest one, the lone male with bright blue eyes and auburn hair, who looked at me with deep suspicion as was the other woman who resembled a younger Rhaenys. 

Jon rubbed my back and I just continued to stare.

He cleared his throat and talked calmly, "Everyone, this is Sansa. There's no need to be alarmed," then he looked at me reassuringly and I looked up at him. "Sansa, these are my family…" then he faced the smallest one and introduced her.

"Sansa, this is –

"Daenerys… Daenerys Targaryen…" I cut him off with a whisper. 

Everyone's eyes widened except Jon. He would know that I knew about her from his human years and began to introduce the others. Daenerys looked pleased though, as if she was expecting this.

I looked away from her and from Jon as I cut him off, my eyes drifted from one face to another, "Daenerys Targaryen... Arianne Martell... Robb Stark," I finished for him.

"Who is _she? Jon_? Why does she know us?" Arianne demanded.

"She's Death, _"_ Daenerys answered. "But she's not anymore."

Robb just looked at me intensely, his mouth a straight firm line.

"I know who she is and what she is… but I don't know why she knows you…well, except Dany," Jon answered then made me face him gently again.

"Sansa?"

I looked at him and the horrifying scenes came back. This was another case wherein questions hold no place if one desires not to be hurt all over again.

His eyes grew shocked in alarm as he saw the fright in mine. I froze.

"What's wrong?" he shook me a bit.

Then I blinked and tried to compose myself and faced them.

"I am Sansa. I was Jon's guardian angel then I became an angel of death the moment he was turned into what all of you are. During my decades of being Death… I saw all of you… I was called to send the souls you've killed…or the souls that killed you… or other souls that linked with yours in one way or the other. Forgive me for giving the… the blunt responses… but I… I think it's best that you do not know the specifics. They are irrelevant and things of the past."

"Jon, is this true?" Robb asked.

Jon nodded, "She speaks the truth about being my angel and becoming death but it's only now that I knew that she knew you but please don't pressure her into answering all the questions running in your heads. She will answer in her time. She needs to rest," he said warningly.

I looked at him gratefully and a little guiltily, "Thank you. I will answer questions…but please… not right now. I'm sorry." I still had to find a way of phrasing my stories for them.

Dany nodded and grinned at me. "I understand, we all do. Though it's pretty funny that I didn't see you coming, well, at least today."

She was clairvoyant?  

Robb still looked at me expectantly. I looked at all of them and sighed.

"I will talk to all of you… one by one I guess… and as a group…but… could I start tomorrow? It's not that I don't want to… it's just… I feel a bit weary… my transformation is starting… and I might not be able to tell all of your stories right from the sudden rush of emotions… I'm really sorry… but if you insist, then I would do my best to –

I was cut off.

Jon shook his head and frowned, "No. She will tell us when she is ready and well rested. Aegon will fill you in on some details we learned awhile ago but right now, please excuse us," he said firmly then he looked at me with a softer expression and smiled.

"Come on, let's go to my room. They won't bother you, I promise," he said. I felt guilty that I was requesting things now and for Jon to do them for me.

"Jon, it's okay. I think I can manage after all –

He cut me off once more by placing his fingers on my lips. Then he smiled briefly, "No need to be a hero Sansa. You need to rest and that's final."

I smiled then nodded at him then I faced his family apologetically. "I'm truly sorry and thank you." I bowed to them then started to walk upstairs when I was whisked away to Jon's room in a flash with me on his arms.

"Sorry," he muttered while opening his door. "It's faster this way."

I just nodded.

He then placed me gently on his bed then sat beside me.

I looked down, "I'm sorry Jon."

I felt a finger under my chin and found myself looking up at his eyes. He looked the same way I used to look at him before – concerned.

"Please don't apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for," he whispered.

I smiled a little then looked away.

He let my face go and silence enveloped us.

"Sansa?"

I turned to face him at once, tilting my head. Then I shifted a little when I realized how close he was.

"Yes Jon?"

He ran a hand through his dark curls and half-smiled, "You were the one I always dreamt about weren't you?"

I looked down shyly, "I… guess…"

He chuckled, "Why so shy suddenly? I don't think anyone would mind if they dreamt about you."

I just smiled but before I could reply I felt my eyes go heavy and I found myself fighting to keep them open while the rest of me began to grow heavy too. I didn't realize I was swaying when I felt arms supporting me.

"Whoa. Are you alright?"

I tried blinking again but the strain was too heavy and my body felt... weak.

No not weak.

Tired?

Then I heard a yawn.

"Sansa? Are you - are you sleepy?" 

_Oh._

Oh. 

I was the one who yawned. 

And as I struggled to analyze and name the feeling, it made sense. 

 I managed to keep an eye open and saw Jon's expression was a mix of worry and amusement. I attempted to smile, bringing a hand to rub at my eyes. 

"I...guess I am," I yawned again.

So this was what it felt like? 

I've never slept. Not a wink. In all of my existence, this was entirely new to me. 

I tried to right myself but found myself up in Jon's arms again, my body too...weary to protest. "I forgot... your kind can sleep."

Even without opening my eyes I just knew that he was smiling from the soft laugh that escaped him. "Yes, we can."

I barely replied with a nod, letting myself go and resting my head against his strong chest - the smell of pine and snow clinging to him was comforting, lulling me deeper.

"This is new to you, isn't it?" I blinked at his question that held no worries now but was brimming with...delight? 

It was no use to talk or open my eyes anymore so I nodded my answer again, while I felt my consciousness slipping away.

I heard him chuckling, bringing me back briefly, that I was able to make out from our motions that he was walking me somewhere. He must've sensed it somehow that he stopped and I felt fingers on my face, felt them sweeping away my hair. "Don't worry. I got you." I nodded at him again, my hand positioning itself against his chest making both of us still for a second before I heard him take a deep breath and move once more.

And in no time, I felt the softness of the bed against me - smelt that same familiar pine and snow around me. I almost let this... sleep take over at that moment but I was suddenly afraid that he would leave me.

So with all the force I could muster, I rose above the haze, opened my eyes, and reached for his hand.

The complete look of surprise overtook him but there was something more in his eyes. Something like relief. 

I couldn't help but smile then. 

He didn't want to be parted too. 

"Stay," I managed.

"Are you sure?" 

I took a deep breath through my nose before scooting over for a fraction, motioning for him. "Please," I was able to mutter, before my eyes closed once more. 

It took a solid three seconds until I felt the bed dip from his weight as he laid down beside me. 

I felt the pull again. 

He was already close but I still felt...cold. 

"I'm cold," I shivered, and my wings curled around me slightly.

I felt a blanket over me then but I realized it wasn't truly the cold I felt but the space between us. 

Maybe it was the lightheadedness. Maybe it was this unfamiliar drowsiness. Maybe it was even a touch of fear from him disappearing. 

But I wanted - no,  _needed_ to be closer... needed to be...safe.

This... sleep... it was suddenly something terrifying. 

I've never felt so vulnerable but I couldn't not surrender to it. And I  _needed_ something... something to feel safe.

"Hey, you're shivering."

I was?

"I'll get a warmer blanket," he said but I grabbed his arm before he could get up, my head shaking weakly. 

"No, don't leave."

"Okay, I won't."

"I...I don't think I'm...cold," I admitted.

"Then why are you shivering?"

"Would you...think less of me if I say I'm terrified?"

I felt his hand on my face then, his thumb caressing my cheek. "Why?"

"I don't know."

"Don't be afraid. I won't leave you. Surrender and regain your strength. You've been through enough today," he whispered.

I couldn't help but laugh a little. 

"What is it?"

"Seems like we've reversed roles right now," I whispered. 

He chuckled lightly. "It's only right. Someone needs to look after you too. And I'm more than willing to oblige, considering, Though I am curious about one thing."

I took a peek with one eye and noted just how close he was. We were somehow, both lying on our sides, facing each other, a mere inch away that I could see the violet flecks of his grey eyes, his large hand still on my cheek.

"When you guarded me before, where were you when I was asleep?"

I smiled at him. "Beside you of course."

He bit his lip then and thought for a while before sighing. "How close?"

If I could blush, I would now. I've never really thought much about how I acted before when he couldn't see me then. I ducked my head and closed my eyes. "Really close," I answered in the smallest voice I could muster.

"You feel it too, don't you?"

"Hmmm?" I barely responded.

"The pull."

_So he felt it too._

Instead of answering, I decided to be brave and just ask. "Can I come closer, Jon?"

"Yes," he said immediately. "As close as you want."

Without opening my eyes, I moved closer to him until my cheek and my palm met with his chest, my wings curling over the both of us while I felt his arm, bringing me closer as he wound it around my waist, while with his other hand was just below my ear, extending to my neck as he cradled me. Both of us letting out breaths of relief at the contact. 

"This feels...different. I should be awake and be the one guarding you," I breathed against his chest. 

"Do that tomorrow," he offered. "But for now, let me."

"I'm sorry," I said without really knowing why.

"I wish you'd stop apologizing. You've done nothing wrong," he sighed.

"I'm still scared," I shivered once more.

"I'll keep you safe. I promise," he said while kissing my forehead making me shiver once more.

"Again, my job," I protested.

"No, your  _former_ job," he chuckled. "Now you're mine -  _ours_ to protect."

I couldn't help but smile. "You'll protect me?"

"To the death," he answered and we both laughed at that.

I felt his hand slide over my closed eyes. "Now go sleep. Everything else can wait tomorrow."

I nodded then and tried to kiss his cheek - a habit I used to do. "Good night Jon."

"Good night Sansa."

I wrapped an arm around his waist like it was the most natural thing to do then I drew my wings closer to us to envelope us… like before…

Then I felt a hand on the back of my head, pulling me closer to him – my head on the crook of his neck. I inhaled and he smelled so good and I was really… fascinated by… how well we fit together… maybe I was made for him and him alone? Was this why we met again? Was this why we became what we are? Or have I doomed us all?

I shuddered.

He noticed and at once I felt him hold me tighter.

Then I looked up and watched him smile softly at me.

I smiled and brushed a few strands of his hair off his face before closing my eyes truly this time.

I truly love Jon. I just hope that of the reasons I knew I was here for – I sincerely hope it's not the one – not the dreaded one…

But tonight like the Sabbath is rest.

I need rest.

There were more things to come.

That was certain.

I was counting on the light inside him and what light was left of me. I just hope it would be enough. I've got so many answers and so many questions to equal them. I wonder how things would turn out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So I'm back from my trip and done with the exam I took. It's going to be a while before the next update as I have to prioritize at least a chapter each for my other stories. Namely, I have to finish Arya's POV for my Where will we go series. Then update, AYLIAYW. Then maybe write a Medicus one shot - the third for that collection, and then this. Thank you for reading and I'm sorry if you're stuck with more questions than answers but that's really the main thing for this story. If you are able to stick around, I promise all will be revealed in time. I know they are slightly OOC but they are in a supernatural AU and have lived for a century. Next chapter will be a dream sequence/memory. Thanks again!


	11. Ghost Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have time, have Coldplay's "Ghost Story" song playing before or while you read this. This is where I veer away from my hidden away original story where I adapted this from. And I was very excited to be able to use this song for this story. Thanks again for the kudos and the comments!

|Maybe I’m just a ghost

Disappear when anybody’s close

Go through you when you travel

Travel over near|

 

  ** _Sansa_**

****

_Dragonstone_

_November 1916_

 

Wyvern.

Griffin.

Manticore.

Winged guardians carved from the black stones of hell, as they’re called, perched on every roof and tower of the castle that seemingly shone with soot and ashes, clashing against the flurry of paste white snow.

I flew in front of the biggest guardian – the grandest, the fiercest, the most monstrous creature with the most massive set of wings that heralded the castle’s namesake.

Dragon.

I flew closer and tilted my head as I regarded it, bending my wing slightly inward to shield my perusal from the blizzard.

I wonder…

This was supposedly the most frightsome creature that ever existed. At least for the mortals.

I reached out and touched the rock snout. I couldn’t feel it of course. Couldn’t feel how it must’ve been hard and cool beneath my fingers. I could only approximate from what divine knowledge was accessible to me.

Logic would dictate the ridges as I skimmed over the carved scales of the dragon’s back, its conception and eventual completion would’ve taken months for mortal hands to complete.

I closed my eyes and let logic leave for a moment. Remembering the last soul I’ve just sent.

As I brought up his final memory, I could almost feel what he felt.

And it wasn’t the hard strength of the statue, nor the coolness that snow lent it, but _warmth._

An imagined warmth, as reason would tell.

But warmth nonetheless.

The soul believed that this dragon held a secret.

Only one with dragon’s blood, as his family attributed to their lineage, could feel the fire within.

Imagined or not, that soul felt it.

I opened my eyes and was greeted with the effigy’s eyes as if it was regarding _me_ in turn.

This very image in front of me was the last the soul saw before his plummet to the depths.

But he had descended into a different depth of madness long before he fell to _this._

I lifted my hand away and flew around it and settled on crouching on the ledge beside it, my wings hunched overhead, keeping my face free from the onslaught as I looked down below as they collected what mortal remains were left from the soul.

I wonder…

Humans tended to avoid this castle as much as possible, saying it was ominous.

Saying it was haunted.

Saying that every stone…monster came alive to hunt and kill trespassers, with the largest dragon, they’ve named, Balerion the Black Dread, this one next to me as the most ferocious of all. That if he was the one who was awakened, the whole city would be torched in dragonfire.

I wonder…

Dragons have been extinct for a millennia with no hope of existing once more and kept that way by the mortals for fear of their second coming.

I wouldn’t blame them. Though I’ve never lived long enough to witness them, access to its knowledge was enough to make me agree that they were indeed, something to be feared.

But still I wonder.

A winged lizard. A winged snake. A winged lion. Winged hybrids. Were they truly the most terrifying creatures?

 

_What could be more terrifying than a fanged creature with claws that could crush, and giant wings to chase you?_

 

A large gust of wind blew over me, managing to shake away some of my feathers, and I could only watch as feather upon feather joined the snow.

Ebony feathers against the paper whites.

And then another call.

It was time to work again.

I stood up then and faced down from the ledge.

I took one step forward, and joined the snow.

As I let go, I couldn’t help but take a look behind me at the dragon once more.

 

_“I’ve always wanted to be a dragonknight.”_

_“Dragons aren’t real, brother.”_

_“They used to be.”_

_“Beautiful creatures though, little brother, I must admit.”_

_“Yes. They are.”_

_“But we’re biased.”_

_“I guess we are.”_

I shook my head at the memory and focused on my landing.

When I opened my eyes I was in Aegon’s garden.

My eyes shifted here and there for signs of the soul that made the call.

There was no one here so then I knew that this was one of those.

It was an early call. I wasn’t meant to come for it. It was going to come to me.

I looked around and as expected, everything was covered in ice and more snow. I decided to wait by the swings.

It was frozen over, but with a few manipulations, I was able to make it work. When I was satisfied, I sat on the wooden seat and held the chains with each hand.

While I settled my wings, I started to push. Going higher and higher, enjoying the feel of being weightless. Just one of the other things I _could_ feel.

Flight.

Death.

For a decade now it was all I felt.

I wasn’t truly ‘enjoying’ because I couldn’t. But prior knowledge of the feeling would tell me that it was what I was doing, or at least a semblance of it.

A decade…

I’ve been sending more souls lately that I didn’t know if it was due to the especially harsh winter that wrought the continent, or if it was because of…

I shook my head.

All the souls I’ve taken were _due._

I’m not turning into a Reaper.

But I’ve felt close to it lately. And I couldn’t help but think of the reason.

_He gave in to his primal urge._

_He spilled blood._

_…and drank it._

I closed my eyes and an image of a pale boy with a mess of black curls writhing in pain as grey eyes turned silver.

Where was he now?

I didn’t know.

As if I could go to him.

As if he could see me.

As if he would even _know_ me.

I blinked and stopped swinging.

What was the point of remembering him when I fell nothing about it?

What was the point when his life wasn’t twined with my own anymore?

What was the point when he is not my duty anymore?

I looked down at my right ankle and saw the glinting silver half-hidden against my black velvet strappings, my red and black bells ringing louder now as the _called one_ approaches.

I wasn’t an ordinary Death angel.

I was Death’s Siren. Death’s Black Bells.

My bells were warnings.

My song was Death.

It was one of those again.

A boy with silver hair and angry violet eyes came into view.

His life flashed behind my irises and I knew his was filled with pain and longing and great wish for peace for this torn kingdom of his. But it ends today.

It ends with him.

Now it was time to sing.

It wasn’t everyday that I did.

It wasn’t everyday that my bells rung just so.

This death heralded a change.

A warning.

 

* * *

_Dreadfort_

_November 1966_

Vile.

I didn’t have to feel _disgust_ to note the carnage that took place at the smoky fort’s dungeons. This was an era of peace and modernity yet such barbaric practice took place here.

Soul upon soul upon soul, I took.

I needn’t my song, nor my bells, but I was called to take each and every one that died here…

_Flayed._

As I took the last soul, I felt something… peculiar happening on the other side of the wall.

I passed through it and my eyes widened as I regarded who I saw.

Long silver hair.

Deep indigo eyes.

Aegon.

What was he doing here?

I looked around and saw that this was a holdfast for cells upon cells filled with prisoners.

Some dead already.

Some near.

One still alive.

I looked back at Aegon and saw his eyes glaze over and fangs protruded from his mouth. A touch was all it took to learn his thoughts and I learned that he was… _feeding._

I blinked.

His thirst was _pain._

I glanced at the prisoners and saw the tortured faces turn placid but one in particular compelled me to come closer.

From the state of him, he hadn’t been here long, but still long enough to have this scar his mind forever.

I bent over, tilted my head and studied him.

He was probably…nineteen or maybe early twenties?

Was it his deep auburn hair or his crystal blue eyes that drew me in? If I were a boy, would I look like him?

I reached out and touched his forehead, almost gasped when he flinched.

_He felt me?_

My eyes met his and for a minute I thought he was truly seeing me but as I waved a hand in front of him, he didn’t even blink.

His name was Robb Stark.

He was the heir of the Stark family, the House that governed the region. He was a hostage. But it was already too late. Images of his dead family emerged one by one –  but two in particular struck me,  his younger sister and mother almost took my breath away from… my resemblance.

I shook that absurd thought away. I could look like anyone. This was no coincidence. It can’t be. I focused on the most important detail instead.

He is the last of them.

Which made his next move odd.

I watched as he mustered all of his strength to stand up, grab the bars, and scream at Aegon. “I know what you are.”

Aegon blinked and regained his indigo eye color and walked in front of him. “Do you?”

Robb nodded. “Turn me.”

Aegon crossed his arm against his chest. “There is no need for revenge. The usurpers are all dead. You are not. You are the last of them. You’re the heir.”

“Turn me. I am not the last of them. I have a brother. A half-brother. He can have it all. I’ll help him when I’ve turned.”

“You don’t know what you’re asking.”

“I do. I’ve seen what my thirst would be. It wouldn’t be a burden. I just need to turn. They are not the last of the usurpers,” Robb said determinedly.

“I don’t want to turn you,” Aegon replied.

“By the love you hold for your half-brother, _do_ this. He is kin. Or better yet, _help_ me,” Robb said and if I had the faculty to be surprised, I would register the same expression Aegon had.

“How do you know that?” Aegon managed to ask.

“I am a Stark. My family dates back ages. You don’t think I can spot a Targaryen anywhere?”

Aegon sighed but before he could answer, I heard a voice that somehow broke through my prohibitions, making me suck in a breath.

It was familiar.

Very familiar.

I froze.

It was –

“Brother, what are we to do next?” came his voice from behind me.

But before I could turn around, I was suddenly juxtaposed into a different location.

I was suddenly at Riverrun.

Eyes wide, mouth open, as people walked through me from both directions.

And then my bells rang once more and everything irrelevant to this call faded away.

I walked through walls and walls and through people until I’ve reached my destination.

And then I started to sing once more.

But instead of calling out one soul, I saw _them._

Faces.

Different faces.

Faces of all the souls I’ve sent blurring and appearing from every direction as the world started spinning before me.

Blank stares.

Anguished looks.

Disfigured features.

_Fear._

Crying.

Gasping.

Screaming.

It was only then that I noticed that I wasn’t singing anymore and I recognized the screaming came from me.

 

* * *

 

| Every time I try to walk through walls  
More walls appear  
What's the point of feeling love for you  
When you don't believe I'm here?  
What's the point of trying to raise your voice  
If no one ever hears?  
Every time I try to pull you close  
You disappear |

 

 

* * *

**_Winterfell_ **

**_2016_ **

****

“Sansa? Sansa, wake up.”

“It was just a dream, Sansa. You’re okay.”

I blinked and tried to sit up while the faces of Jon and Daenerys’ worried expressions lifted the veiled haze over my vision.

I felt hands on my arms and face and noticed that I was shaking and breathing heavily.

I glanced around me and noticed that it was still dark.

A caress on my cheek centered me and I was face to face with grey eyes once more.

“Wh-what…’ I tried to say but words failed me.

I felt two hands cupping my face then, making me focus on Jon’s calm expression. “Sansa, breathe for a moment. Relax. You’re okay. You’re good. Just breathe.”

I closed my eyes and obeyed him. Taking large gulps of air I didn’t know I needed, while my hands clutched at his against my face.

Once I was calm enough, I dropped my hands to my lap and opened my eyes.

Jon withdrew one hand and tried to smile at me reassuringly.

“You had a nightmare. But… it seemed too vivid to be made up.”

I turned to the voice and saw Daenerys sitting beside me, opposite where Jon was. Her violet eyes were calm as they regarded me but there was understanding in them.

“You…saw it?”

She nodded. “That’s my thirst. I can’t manipulate dreams, but I _can_ watch. And of course, take them.”

I nodded at her, still shaken. “I – I see.”

“I don’t mean to intrude on your privacy but Jon here was panicking when you started thrashing and screaming… understand, we couldn’t wake you,” she explained.

I shook my head. “I understand.” Then I looked at her. “You saw all of it?”

She blinked before sighing. “Yes.”

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Jon said immediately.

I looked at him then and brought my knees to my chest before hiding my face on them. “I don’t think I can sleep after that. Sleeping is terrifying.”

I didn’t need to see it but I knew they exchanged looks.

I felt a large hand stroke my hair. “Sansa, you still need to sleep. Dany can help with the dreams.”

“I can. I can take away all of your dreams for the night,” she said softly, and I felt a small hand rub my arm.

“And I promise not to speak a word about what I see,” she assured.

I looked up at her then before looking away once more. “Those weren’t just dreams… Daenerys.”

Silence.

“Those were memories, weren’t they?”

“Memories?” Jon asked surprised.

I watched as Daenerys looked between Jon and I before speaking. “Jon… maybe Sansa and I can talk alone for a minute.”

I panicked for a moment.

“I won’t leave her,” Jon said immediately, moving closer to me, his hand on my back.

Daenerys didn’t flinch but offered me a smile. “It won’t take long. I promise. I just thought that maybe I could… help with what we’ve seen.”

I looked at her and saw only sincerity in her eyes, so I nodded, causing her to grin. “Now go away for a moment, Jon. Leave us.”

Jon looked at me then and I could see that he didn’t want to leave. I didn’t too but this was something I wasn’t ready to discuss with him right now.

I mustered up enough to smile at him and nod. “I’ll see you later.”

He froze before sighing. “Are you sure?”

I nodded.

He stood up then and in a flash he was at the door. “Just call for me, and I’ll be here.”

“Okay.”

With a strangled smile at me and a warning look at his aunt, he went out and shut the door.

Leaving me alone with his aunt.

I looked down, trying to find words while trying to avoid her penetrating gaze. That and the burning ache, Jon’s absence left.

“I was there too.”

I looked up at her then and saw her looking seriously. Of course. Of course she would be there too.

“So… he turned him then?”

She shook her head. “Aegon didn’t.”

I felt… something drop at the pit of my stomach. Denying the possibility of what could’ve happened next.

She sensed my distress and took my hands in hers, shaking her head frantically. “No, no. It’s not what you’re thinking. _He_ didn’t change him either.”

I calmed down and looked at her confused. “But…Robb was turned then?”

She nodded. “I did it.”

I gasped then. “W-why?”

A look of anger…and hate? Crossed her features as her eyes hardened. “Because I understood his anger. I was the last of our family to be turned too. At least the last of the first family. I had a nephew that survived to further our line as you’ve clearly seen in your… dream memory. Our bloodline survived…amidst fire and blood that is.” She shook her head and I knew full well what she  meant.

“Unlike Robb though, we never had our revenge. How could we? When it was our own kin that tried to destroy us,” she gritted her teeth.

“But then when we learned about Jon’s maternal family, how they were betrayed during that decade, we couldn’t turn a blind eye. And when I saw Robb… saw his dreams… even glimpse his future, I couldn’t refuse him,” she looked at me sadly. “So against my family, I went against their backs, ran back to him, and offered him the change.”

“What happened next?”

She sighed and looked at me apologetically. “That’s Robb’s story to tell.”

I nodded in understanding, knowing what probably happened next.

But there was something else that bothered me.

“I can see why you were drawn to him. The resemblance is uncanny. He told me himself just a few hours ago. You look the spitting image of his younger sister,” she pointed out.

“A coincidence,” I looked away.

“Perhaps. But still, it’s a bit… convenient.”

I looked up at her just tin time to see her shrug. “Convenient?”

She nodded. “If we’re to keep appearances, you two could pose as siblings.”

An image of his suspicious angry face floated in my mind. “He doesn’t like me.”

“He’s… confused. We all are. But he is the most easy going one in the family. I promise,” she grinned then. “And his initial thought was that you were somehow his sister that was turned into…something. Of course he’s going to get mad. Immortality isn’t something you would wish on anyone. Not when you know what it truly entails.”

I could only nod as my thoughts started to trail again.

“You really couldn’t feel anything then, could you?”

I shook my head.

“When I dipped myself in your dream, I wasn’t just a bystander. I _was_ you. I couldn’t change anything or influence you though. I could only _watch_ from your eyes,” she explained. “I almost want to say how hard it was for you to live like that but when I felt what you felt, which was _nothing,_ I understand that it couldn’t be. And seeing how shaken up you are now as you… relived it… I guess your numbness then served its purpose. My hands haven’t stopped shaking from the fear I felt when I was _you.”_

I shivered then. It was true. Now that I think about the past, what I had to do… now with my capacity for emotions intact… the numbness was more than just a means to keep us focused on the task, but was actually a form of mercy.

“But you never forgot him. Not once, did you?” I felt a hand on my shoulder and when I looked up, her expression was… curious… and tender. Filled with… affection and maybe a touch of gratitude?

“I couldn’t.”

“Sansa, you can choose not to answer but I have to ask… when you were in Dragonstone… when you were looking at the statues, you thought yourself to be the more feared creature. And then you were worried about turning into something…worse… what’s… ‘worse’?”

I closed my eyes and drew my wings closer. “A reaper.”

“What’s a reaper?”

“Death. But uncontrollable. And uncalled,” I whispered.

Silence.

“And this could only happen if Jon…”

I looked at her straight then, confirming her thought. “Yes.”

She seemed to process this before nodding and offering a sad smile. “He… strayed. He did. But only a handful of times. But it didn’t take long for him to stop. He always felt guilty when he did. But he stopped.”

I closed my eyes and rested my head on top of my knees once more. “I know. I never became a Reaper.”

“But it does confirm one thing.”

I peeked at her.

“You say you were untethered when you were both changed. But he still affected you then. It means you were still tied even then, somehow. And I am sure that latter dream wasn’t the only time you almost met again. You were always meant to meet. But at the right time,” she said so convincingly, leaving my mouth hanging as I stared at her.

She was right. And I couldn’t help but smile a little.

So I succeeded. Just because he wasn’t my duty anymore doesn’t mean we were untethered. Even a little.

But why now?

What was all those years of being Death for?

I looked up at Daenerys now.

“Daenerys?”

She smiled. “Call me Dany.”

I smiled back. “Dany?”

“Hm?”

“All these years… was Jon…” I bit my lip. “Is he happy?”

Her smile fell a little but formed once more into a well-meaning one. “He had his ups and downs. We _all_ did. We still do. We always knew that there was something he was… missing. Something none of us could fill, but Sansa. I’ve seen his dreams too. Intentional or not. He is. In his own way, he is.”

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

“But you know what though?” She moved her face near me from where I tried to duck away. “Something’s changed and is changing in him now. And I can sense it’s a good change.”

I blinked up at her.

“And it started when he found you,” she grinned.

I looked away once more and she giggled.

I felt her pat my hand. “I know you’re worried about what this all means. And I wish my… ability could let me _see_ but I have a good feeling about this. That only good things can come from this. And my hunches are always right.”

Then she came really close and cupper her hand against my ear and whispered. “And I just know, Jon loves you too. He may or may not know it yet, but he does.”

I pulled away and stared incredulously at her.

She grinned wider now. “Maybe he always did. He just didn’t know it was you.”

I wanted to believe her. But she was right about one thing. That time wasn’t the first time I almost saw him again.

Maybe this time we got to meet but who’s to say we’d stay… together?

…Even if we were bound once more.

Because deep inside, no matter how hard I deny it, there was a choice.

There was a chance.

There was one very possible reason why this happened. Why we met. Why I was changing.

I just couldn’t figure out the timing.

Why now?

Why not then?

Why not those twenty other times that I almost saw him again?

It never mattered whenever it happened.

He would just…

Or I would…

_Disappear._

...Eventually.

I closed my eyes as one memory in particular resurfaced.

It was maybe nine years ago.

There was a wall.

I knew he was at the other side.

I could hear him.

And when I placed my palm and forehead against the wall, I could pretend I could feel his own pressing against mine.

I could’ve easily phased through the wall and _see_ him.

But as soon as I’ve sent the soul from my side of the wall, I was once again, pulled away.

I opened my eyes and let Dany push me gently to lie back once more. Feeling her hands – one over my eyes, another on my shoulder, while another set of hands – bigger this time, held both of my hands. And only then did I begin to succumb once more to sleep.

Maybe this time would be the last time.

Maybe this time… one of us, or both of us, would disappear for good.

But for now…

I relaxed completely until everything was black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I ended up writing for this instead of the others. LOL. Anyway, my original had songs from Parachutes until Viva la Vida only. Now I'll be adding from the succeeding albums and this one was from the EP A Sky full of Stars. Here you see a glimpse of how Aegon's coven met Robb Stark and who turned him. And also, Dany's unique thirst for dreams. That, and of course, some foreshadowy things from Sansa's dream/memories. Btw, Dany mentioned a nephew, and Robb mentioned a half-brother. Can't say much now but they are not the same person. And they are certainly, not Jon Snow. But they are hints of something. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading!


	12. Daylight

_**Jon** _

 

 _|To my suprise,_  
my daylight,  
I saw sunrise,  
I saw sunlight.|

I felt dull light streaming from my window so I opened my eyes slowly. I felt disoriented at once as if I had woken up from a hundred years of sleep. I didn't even realize that I've fallen asleep in the first place. 

Flecks of dust particles danced around the full spectrum of the soft dull beams penetrating the glass windows and bouncing off some of the glass and mirrors in the room, creating a show of spirals that rivaled the white steady flakes of snow freely falling outside. Snow was sparse today and there was a small hint of sun outside… a tiny sliver of sun almost devoured by the neutrality of white.

I peered around then I stopped myself from moving when I felt a weight on my upper body and the smell of – of roses and lemons...and something else… a light scent… cool and warm at the same time… then I smiled when I realized the mop of long wavy curls of fire-kissed strands were spread around her head like a halo, spilling over the pillows and on my chest where her head was resting. Her alabaster skin showed signs of subtle shimmer that made her look like she was glowing even from the dull light that barely passed as sunlight.

So this was what waking up with an angel beside me felt like.

She was still sleeping – her breathing slow and steady. She was at peace.

I gently brushed a few strands of hair off her face then lightly touched her smooth ivory face. Sansa was truly a sight to behold. Her pink lips were slightly open and cool ice breath like mine came out of those lovely lips. She was curled around me with her ebony wings folded over us like a blanket. With my other hand I placed them on top of her own that was resting on top of my chest.

And just like that I felt the stirring inside me once more. 

Something I never thought to feel. 

I studied her face once more and all traces of fear and tension were smoothed out, partly due to Dany's intervention. She was clearly more than confused, she was troubled. Now that she's able to reevaluate what she was for a century and tie them with emotions that were denied to her, she feels even more unnecessary guilt. As if she had a choice. As if she had a hand in what she was made to do. 

How can she think of herself as a dark creature? Just looking at her – you would see her glow with nothing but goodness.

Unlike me.

And I've been coping with that. I haven't killed since we helped Robb. I've learned to rely on my other thirst. Though that in itself was another burden. Why couldn't I have another manifestation? Why must my thirst be  _death?_ It's true that I didn't kill. But it's also true that feeding from the dying has given me more than satiety, maybe even pleasure. What mercy I could give was just to hasten the suffering. Never the reverse.  

But then… even a little…

I traced her face and let my fingers linger on her skin.

_She makes me hope._

Maybe there's hope for me after all…

I overheard her and Dany talking. She told Dany... it could be worse. If I continued with my rebellion, she would turn into what she called, a  _Reaper._ So the fact that she didn't meant that I never went over the edge. 

So yes,  _hope._

Still, yesterday when she saw the rest of the family – everyone was shocked beyond belief. Questions, demands, threats, warnings were the flurry of thoughts that ran through their minds.

We were more connected than I thought.

The moment I asked Sansa if she could explain, a shot of horror crossed her face as if she had seen the worst the world had to offer. What had she seen? Was it that bad? I seriously wanted to know.

What did she see? How did she live? How can someone so pure and fragile-looking be forced to face the monstrosities of the world? We were beyond placing blames now but it just wasn't right. To only see, hear, and feel death – what would that be like?

_"It was awful, Jon. Maybe that's what being blind felt like. Imagine losing one of your senses. I felt nothing when I was her. Nothing but the pull of death. I could name every action, deduce every emotion, and analyze the situation but I couldn't feel it. It's hard to process. I can't even imagine the horror she should feel when she took each of the tortured prisoners. Seeing the mangled and mutilated without batting an eye. Each death, as I've seen through her nightmares, each of the dying she stalked were souls that suffered in one form or another. Maybe they were the only ones that stood out from her memory, but I have a feeling they were the only ones she took."_

Dany told me and I had to hold her for a bit to stop her shaking before passing her to Aegon who helped her as she took care of Sansa's dreams. She wouldn't tell us anything more specific other than one of Sansa's dreams was that night at the Dreadfort where we met Robb. But from the look of horror in Dany's face... we all agreed that Sansa's selective numbness was a godsend. 

_"I can't imagine her doing this while all her emotions are intact."_

And then there were still more questions. We had an idea now of how she knew Robb, but how about Arianne? What else did she see? Dany tried her best to conceal her thoughts because she promised Sansa her privacy, but we were able to glimpse Dragonstone and two Targaryens. One dead. Another about to die. 

Arianne, the one most inflexible to change, wanted to barge in and question her. Always the most impatient of us all, the curiosity was killing her. But we were able to convince her to calm down. Robb looked torn and frankly a bit... haunted. He really thought that he saw his sister's ghost. The one he adored the most. The one who took his place. The one who watched every one of his family but him die. The only one he saw die in front of him. 

His initial suspicion was borne from his anger that his sister was turned instead of being at peace. But when he realized she wasn't his sister, he still wanted to feel responsible for her. Wanted to be in this room with us. Half of him, though he would never admit, wanted to think that maybe, just maybe, she  _was_ his sister. 

I couldn't blame him. Though I shared Stark blood with him, he was the lone wolf in a den of dragons. Even Arianne had dragon blood in her and she resembled Rhaenys in looks. Robb was the outsider in that department. Never mind the fact that he and Dany had similar outlooks in life. And then enter Sansa with her red hair, pale skin, and blue eyes. One look at Sansa, you'd never think twice about thinking that she could be Robb's sister, maybe even a twin. 

And then Sansa looked... almost literally, dead on her feet, I put my foot down on holding all questioning until she's well rested. Aegon was able to fill them in on what we knew so far and I was slightly relieved when they acquiesced. I just told them to list their questions for now. And the top ones were... _How about our angels? What's going to happen to her? Is she safe? What do we do with her? How can we hide her?_ And so on and so forth.

As for me? I don't care. For some reason, all that I seemed to care about – was her. 

...that and coming to terms with her  _love_ for me. I don't doubt for a second that she did. Now that I felt my own... stirrings, all I wanted to know was if she was truly, without any influence whatsoever or any ounce of coercion,  _in_ love with me.

I know that Aegon, Rhaenys, and even Dany, think that she is because she mentioned attachments. She was attached to me so strongly that she chose to hold on and change _for_ me was what they concluded. It made perfect sense for them but not to me.

Why would you give up heaven just for someone like me?

It was very arrogant to even think that. It's absurd. Then Aegon asked me, what if it was the other way around? I pondered on that…

If I was Sansa's angel, seeing that she's so kind and good… I don't think it's that hard to fall in love with her. In fact, I think I _am_ falling for her or have fallen for her without even knowing. And whisper all she might, I caught Dany telling Sansa that I might've loved her all these years without knowing too. I lightly traced her silky smooth face once more, from her cheek, to her jaw, and very slightly, grazed her pretty pink lips, and the more I stared at her, the more the urge to... to  _kiss_ those lips that were slightly parted. 

I swallowed and retracted my hand but had no strength to keep it away from her completely, settling on her lower back where I could feel where some of her feathers started causing her to whimper ever so softly, keeping me still until she relaxed once more and burrowed closer to me, sending shivers upon shivers. 

I swallowed again and tried to... distract my... growing predicament by training my eyes on her feathers. 

They were the darkest shade, the blackest black if there ever was such a thing, that I've witnessed. Something Sansa was clearly in distress about. Although it made her hauntingly beautiful, made her skin glow and her hair burn bright from the contrast, I could agree that it didn't suit her. I closed my eyes at the blurred image of a red haired girl covered in stark white that featured in my dreams... Sansa wasn't meant to be a creature of darkness.

And she would be just that even if she lost these black wings. She'd be living as a shadow of what I am. And even if I will do my best to...make her happy and keep her... pure. She was following me down to the abyss. A life of hiding and deception and pretending... one that has no end... She deserves more. After all she's been through. After all she gave up and for what? _This?_ I've long accepted my immortality, but just because I did, doesn't mean I enjoyed every single second of it. Dany was right. For the majority, I _am_ happy. And meeting Sansa, even if it had only been less than a day, I've felt the stirrings of being... _happier_ and more accepting of eternity if it meant - 

I chased those thoughts away. She deserves nothing less than _heaven_ and if there was a way, even the slightest chance that she could have another shot at heaven, I would do anything and everything for her to get that.

But with what we know right now, it was too late. She  _will_ turn. She  _will_ be a fallen. I can only just be here with her and help her anyway I can while I try and find a way to get her away from this damned life. Even if at the basest part of my being... I... want her to stay... 

I know I don't deserve her but that doesn't mean I'm all too opposed with the idea.

Because now, lying almost completely over me, was a creature that was claimed to be  _designed_ for me. Though I can't reconcile with that perception, a more primal side of me  _wanted_ it.  _Wanted_ that claim. Because if she  _was_ designed for me, I would agree that the design was utter perfection. It's been less than 24 hours since I've met her but its just like a switch has been turned on. 

But the fact remains. 

The main crux of my hesitance, buried under all those reasons I've stated above that never failed to stop me from feeding the desire.

_I. Hated. Chains._

And she had them. 

She's always had them. 

I glanced at the glinting metal on her right ankle peeking from her velvet wrappings, willing my glare to melt it away.

She was bound to me - in a way that I didn't want her. I didn't want her to be a prisoner - my prisoner. She deserved to be free… and only then… only then would I know if she loved me freely not just because she was designed to do just that.

It may be vanity. It may be selfishness. But I would only consider her love as true if she truly  _chose_ it. Until then, I  _can_ choose to love her, I  _can_ show her what it means to be taken care of and be protected, but I won't let her do the same, at least, not accept them without a grain of salt. 

She deserved to own things, do things just because she wants to… she deserves not only to need things but to want things and get them.

She deserved to be free.

I closed my eyes and the image of her crying, trying to understand the feeling of being taken care of to the image of her screaming in pure terror from her nightmares. She  _needed_ to experience  _care._ But more than anything, she  _needed_ to have free will.

So that's what I'm ordering her to do today.

I was going to order her freedom.

But ff she wants to be with me though I still think she deserves otherwise, I would let her. But not before then.

And I would give her all that she deserves and more. It's time she got something back for all the things that she's done – all the sacrifices.

I was broken off from my thoughts when I felt her stir. Her wings spread a bit then her eyes fluttered open while a smile broke on her delicate lips. Her bells rang as she adjusted herself and stretched.

She looked up at me with those warm blue doe eyes and lifted herself a little, her palm pressed against my chest.

"Good morning Jon," she breathed sending a gust of cold shivers on my body in a voice barely above a whisper with her silken voice.

And just like that, my whole world brightened up – her glorious light filling all the dark crevices of my blacken existence… slowly breaking through the daylight…

 

* * *

 

**_Sansa_ **

I'm awake.

I blinked until the haze lifted.

I've only woken up from real sleep just twice now - thrice if you count my black out yesterday at the onset of my transformation. And I've found out all too soon that sleep was a beautiful thing.

At least once the nightmares disappeared.

Why?

It's not because of the peace and the rejuvenation from letting your body rest.

Sleep was beautiful because of the waking up part.

"Good morning, Sansa."

For the first time in my existence... I was given rest - rest for myself. And not only that, I woke up beside someone I really care about and from the way he was looking at me, the way he touched me, spoke to me - I know he cares about me too... and I'm glad.

It was... different not being able to watch Jon wake up or even watch him sleep. But I feel... somehow elated that he watched me sleep for I don't know how long but it felt nice that he... waited for me to wake up. It was nice... really nice that someone was looking out for you even for just a little bit.

Yet all good things must come to an end as the beauty of waking up has its downsides. Yes, you wake up with a fresh start of the day filled with energy. But there was another thing no one can escape from waking up to - reality.

Jon felt my mood change. He cupped my cheek and looked at me with concern on his grey eyes then whispered, "What's wrong Sansa?"

I looked up at him. "There is so much to do... so much to take care of... and so much is happening..."

He offered a smile, "Good thing we have time on our hands. You are becoming an immortal like me right?"

I nodded.

"How does it work? So you become like a vampire like us but not really...?" he said while tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, making me duck once more.

I tried to deflect my embarrassment by giving a small laugh, "Well, I will become just like all of you sans the fangs and the _thirst_."

He barked out a laugh and grinned, making sure to show the sharp twin points.

"Though I'm not sure what my... diet would be," I shrugged and furrowed my brows. 

He studied me and kept looking amused. "Well it's a good thing that we're not that limited. We  _can_ eat mortal food. We'll just have to find your favorite," he smiled again.

I couldn't help but smile back. 

"Anything from my human years that struck you?" He asked and I wasn't sure if he was aware that one of his hands was covering mine which was still on his chest. I immediately retracted but he kept it there without his face giving away that he did that, making me lose my words.

"Well?" he prompted when I failed to answer. 

I blinked, which was odd, since I didn't need to, and looked away for a minute before shrugging. "Well... you seem to really like those meat pies..." I wrinkled my nose.

He looked at me incredulously for a moment before letting loose a peal of laughter that made me stare at him in wonder. "What's so funny?"

He stopped laughing and looked at me... in a way that made me feel... things. Things I couldn't grasp. He then reached up and touched the tip of my nose with his index finger before grinning. "You wrinkled your nose."

I leant back and rubbed where he touched and blinked once more. "I don't... I don't understand."

He tilted his head back, shut his eyes and groaned before shaking his head at me with an almost pained expression. "You're so..." he seemed to give up and went with a sigh before smiling again. "I did like those pies then."

I couldn't help but smile at my triumph in remembering.

"But you don't like it," he shot quickly with a smirk. 

My smile fell. "I don't... wait. What just happened? How do you know? I've never even tasted it. Maybe  _I'd_ like it once I do."

That seemed to make him laugh again.  _What is it?_ And why did I have this sudden urge to... defend myself or berate him? I gasped then and turned around lightning quick, holding both hands to my mouth in shame. 

His laughter quickly died down and I felt a tentative hand on my shoulder. "What's wrong? I'm sorry. Did I say something wrong?"

I shook my head but I still couldn't face him. "No. _I'm_ sorry. I'm... embarrassed about how I almost reacted."

"Sansa, please look at me."

Slowly, I did and he looked half-apologetic, and still half-amused, making me frown deeper.

He bit his lip from laughing again, I just knew it! 

"Hey, hey. I'm sorry. I don't mean to make fun of you. It's just... we can agree to not like the same thing you know? I can like the pies. You can hate them. I'm sorry I laughed. It's just... for a minute there you on the verge of forming an opinion," he explained, truly looking apologetic this time.

_Oh._

I gave him a smile that meant I understood. And I did. It was a trifle thing but he was right. It was over pies but I  _was_ giving something close to a personal opinion. 

And.

And.

... _oh._

And with that I was crying again.

I covered my eyes with both of my hands and wept.  

_Personal._

I remembered what the pies looked like, what was inside them, and how... very unappealing they looked and smelled. And that's what made me wrinkle my nose. 

But I remembered how Jon loved them. 

And I never thought about anything about it until now. 

About how I myself  _wouldn't_ want to even try them. 

It was so silly. 

I was being silly. 

Pies. 

I was crying over pies. 

Then I felt a hand stroking my hair and patting my knee. 

_A personal opinion._

Slowly I lifted my eyes from my hands and peeked at him. 

Jon looked at me softly, his eyes holding some parts sympathy, some parts sadness, some parts...happy. 

"I won't feed you those pies, I promise. Maybe we'll start with..." he looked to his side trying to think before looking back at me. "Why don't I start you off with my mother's favorite."

I blinked then a smile broke from me as I recalled what he was saying. "Le-lemon cakes?" I asked while rubbing my eyes.

He grinned then and nodded enthusiastically. "Yes."

"I-I'm sorry I'm being silly. I'm acting like a child," I apologized while frantically trying to wipe away my tears but the...the joy of knowing that I had  _some_ freedom, even something as little as this was overwhelming. 

He took my hands quickly with his and made me face him while he shook his head. "You're not. Well, you're damn adorable like them," he said making me laugh a bit before he continued, "But you're not being silly.  _Nothing_ about any of these is  _silly._ There's so much that you weren't able to do, able to experience. It's only natural.  _Freedom_ is a beautiful thing."

I looked at him in shock. He really did get it. Somehow he knew. 

He knew that I wanted freedom.

And looking through his eyes, I knew he would give it to me and that set alarms off in my being.

Giving me  _complete_ freedom could be a double-edged thing.

I decided to change the topic. I began extracting myself from him, ignoring the ache that came from the loss of his touch, and began telling him what I needed to do today. "Anyway, I think... I think It's best that I talk to your family members one-on-one today."

He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and I shivered once more from his touch. "Are you sure you can do that today?"

I smiled at him in reassurance. "I'm sure."

"Well, you should start with Rhaenys, because I don't know if anyone mentioned to you yet but it's Tuesday today and some of us go to University, some to work. But it's Rhaenys' day off," he said.

"I'll come," I answered.

He cocked his head, "But...what if someone sees you?"

"Only the dead and undead can see me... and maybe those who've witnessed death could somehow feel my presence... and... I'm not sure but those who are dying could see me... well, either way all roads lead to me - death. At least at some level while I haven't become a full - blown fallen yet," I explained.

I was about to say something else when we heard a knock.

Jon hesitatingly stood up and opened the door. It was Robb.

I couldn't help but stare, and he seem to think the same until Jon interrupted with a prompt.

Robb shook his head and looked between Jon and I, "Rhaenys made a breakfast spread today when she heard from Arianne, who was snooping about that Sansa's never..." he looked at me sadly then and dropped it. "Anyway, we don't have... lemon cakes but she did make pancakes."

I was about to answer but Jon, for some reason, looked... iffed. "We'll be down shortly. Thanks Robb."

Robb gave him a look but settled on me again and I just knew that he wanted to come inside, or at least, say something. 

"Thank you...Robb. I'm sure I'll like it. I appreciate the gesture all the same," I tried. Why was it so hard to talk to him? 

That seemed to appease him as he immediately grinned at me, his eyes showing surprise and something I couldn't tell. "We do have lemon syrup. I'll make sure to set that beside your plate."

I felt near tears again and it must've showed, sensing the look of alarm from both of them.

I swallowed and blinked them back. "I'm sorry, this gets some getting used to."

Jon took control once more and ushered Robb out before turning to me. 

"Well, this kind of thing? It's going to happen quite a lot, Sansa. Everyone in this house is a control freak. Like each were born to lead their own kingdom, with each having an idea of how to take care of each and every one in this house. I'm giving you a fair warning right now.  _Every_ one  - even Arianne, has his or her own idea on how to help you experience _everything,"_ he paused and studied me.

"You are going to be spoiled rotten here," he smirked then.

I frowned at that. "I don't ask for much. I'd never impose myself on--"

He cut me off with a snort before chuckling. "That's only going to encourage them.  _Me -_ included."

I pouted.

He stopped laughing then but kept his smile. "Listen. Just let us take care of you and take the reins for a while but if you encounter something you don't like, you can say no. Don't be guilted or bullied into saying yes all the time. Almost all of us..." he rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, we all have our stubborn sides. If you say no, you might get an earful or a side-eye but please, don't take it personally. Stand your ground. It's okay, I promise," he grinned. "Here you can always say no."

I felt...really happy and maybe relieved and... grateful. _Gods, so many feelings all at once._  "Okay. Thank you."

He looked relieved as well.  _Why?_

"Come on, princess. Time to climb down from your tower and meet your people," he extended his hand to me.

I looked at him. "Princess?"

He nodded. "Yes. From now on."

I shook my head. "No." Then I immediately regretted answering that quickly. 

He grinned wider. "See? You're a fast learner. Anyway, come on. Just go with it, at least at the beginning. You deserve to be pampered even a little bit. Just let us, at least for a few more days. And then you can start showing your claws out next week, I promise."

I had to admit that I didn't fully understand just what was expected of me, or what he meant for me to do. But I decided to trust him and follow his lead, so I took his hand.

Jon was almost right. 

We did have an eternity to understand everything. 

At least until... the choice would present itself.

But for now, it was morning.

A new day.

A new day filled with new energy and new hope.

A new day to right the wrong.

Light is truly breaking through us now - and I knew what I had to do.

I need to talk to all of them, starting with Daenerys.

Truth needs to get out.

 

* * *

 

_**Jon** _

__

To say that the tension was suffocating was the understatement of the year. 

Everyone was brimming with questions but I had to give my family credit for just letting things be and not pressuring Sansa. 

Sansa, on the other hand, was all shades of adorable. 

She was sitting to my right while Dany sat to her left, and across from her sat Robb, who gleefully handed her all the different flavored syrup we had. 

As I scanned the rest of the group, I held back a groan when I noted how each one, try as they might to hide, while some didn't even bother to, watched as Sansa took a bite from her stack, flavor upon flavor, and noting her reaction to each one.

As much as this fascinated me too, I had to stop it before they make this a full time  _project._

I stopped Robb from handing her back the honey flavored one -  _his_ favorite. He glared at me. "What?" 

Sansa looked from him and me, a crease forming on her forehead. I smiled at her and ignored Robb. "You've tasted everything. Now choose. Which one is your favorite?"

"Oh," she blinked and she thought for a moment before her eyes lit up but she didn't say anything and just kept looking at her stack shyly but there was a touch of insecurity there.

"They all taste...good," she answered. 

"No. That won't do, Sansa. Come on. Choose," I pushed. Maybe feeling a little guilty for putting her on the spot but I had a point to make.

"Lemon," she coughed. "I... favor the lemon," she whispered. 

I grinned and looked around and raised a brow at them until they understood my message. "Lemon it is." I nodded at Robb who shook off his expression into a smooth one as he exchanged the honey for the lemon and handed it to Sansa who beamed at him gratefully. 

That lessened some of the tension as everyone ate and settled into something close to normal. 

"Say, Sansa?" Dany turned to her. 

Sansa looked at her expectantly. "Yes...Dany?"

"Maybe you can come with me this morning," she suggested brightly, showing Sansa her most impressive smile. 

I frowned. 

Almost instinctively, she looked to me and I was taken aback when I realized she looked to me for  _permission._

Dany pouted at her and made her look back. "Hey, I'm asking  _you,_ not him. Jon's not your keeper. Aren't you, Jon?" She raised a brow at me and I scoffed.

"Of course not," I immediately replied.

Sansa didn't say anything but I knew she wanted to. I knew she was going to bring up the  _bond_ again. I smiled at her instead. "Dany is in Legal Management. But she'll be going to Winter Town this morning before her afternoon classes. It's upto you if you want to go with her."

She bit her lip. 

"I don't bite," Dany winked at her and the majority of the room rolled their eyes while Robb even snorted. 

But Dany was relentless. "And after that, Robb could pick us up, drop me off at the school, then take you to the Great Keep. Where you can learn about all the boring details of his ancestry, etcetera, etcetera," she waved casually with her hand.

I felt Sansa tense beside me and knew that Robb did too. 

I looked at him then and he was torn again but after he blinked, there was resolve in his eyes. "That is, if you're okay with it. And I promise not to be  _too_ boring," he offered while giving a nervous chuckle.

"And then she'll meet with  _me_ after, right?" Arianne asked without really expecting any other answer than yes. 

I noticed Sansa's hand was shaking underneath the table so I took it and gripped it comfortingly. "Remember what I told you," I whispered even though I knew they could all hear.

It took a moment but she relaxed then nodded. "Sounds... sounds like a plan," she smiled weakly. 

"Sansa - "

She shook her head at me and pulled her hand away from mine, and that hurt for a moment but seeing the determined look in her eyes, she needed this. 

Dany clapped her hands and beamed at Sansa. "Great!"

"Dany," Aegon looked at her warningly. 

She waved him off. "Yes, yes. I  _know."_ She then looked at Sansa who stopped eating. "Are you done?"

"Yes but I should help clean up - 

But before she could finish her statement, she was already whisked away by Dany. "No, let one of them do it. We have a busy day ahead.  _Come."_

"Dany!" I shouted. 

She glared back at me, hands on her hips as she stood in front of Sansa as if she wasn't a foot shorter than her. "What?"

"Just let her do it, Jon. You know she'll only get her way in the end," Aegon shook his head.

I looked to Rhaenys for support but she only smiled sadly at me.  _Traitor._

"What are you being prissy about, Jon? It's not like you'll be far away from her at all times. Seven hells," Arianne shot at me while she drank her coffee haughtily.

"She's right, Jon. It's not like we'll put her in any danger. We just want to  _talk,"_ Robb added. "You'll have your turn," he said cheekily. 

I ignored them all and closed my eyes and kept still. 

It was only when a familiar hand was resting on my shoulder did I move and suddenly Sansa was in front of me,  _really_ close, her face washed with concern.

"Do you want me to stay, Jon?" 

Now I felt like an ass.

I let out a breath and tucked a strand of her beautiful hair behind her ear and managed a strangled smile - or half. "I do. But I also want you to talk to them, if that's what you need to do. Don't let me keep you from anything, regardless of, you know."

She blinked, her impossibly blue eyes boring into me, weighing my words, before she nodded and gave me a quick smile. "I'll see you later Jon." 

I nodded at her and tilted my head at Dany. "Now go before you're dragged away from here."

She smiled wider then shocked the living daylights out of me from her next action. 

In a quick motion, she caught me in an embrace and gave me a quick peck on my cheek, stepping away before I could even react. 

I couldn't even move. Just stared as she walked out the door with Dany. 

Then I heard laughter behind me.

I scowled when I turned around and saw the rest of them looking at me with smug faces. 

"Well, what do you know. Jon  _can_ go bananas over something other than his hair," Robb smirked.

"Something better," Arianne gave a catty grin. "It's over a  _girl."_

Robb high-fived her then while Aegon and Rhaenys laughed in the background.

Arianne then stood up and raised a brow and a finger at me. "I  _still_ find this situation suspicious. And even though I  _oddly_ trust her for some reason, there's just something about this that doesn't sit well with me."

I sighed and rubbed my beard. "I know. I wish we knew more but apparently, she said this kind of thing doesn't happen commonly."

"Things will work out," Rhaenys said brightly. "She was your  _angel,_ Jon. And she's loved you all these years. And even when she was Death, she never forgot you. Maybe we're putting too much thought into this. Maybe it's really just as simple as love."

I crossed my arms against my chest. "Does she? Or was she  _created_ to be?"

Her smile faltered a bit. "Why does it matter too much? What if she was? Would meeting your literal  _soulmate_ be such a bad thing?"

I shook my head. "You don't understand."

She frowned then and I could sense the dragon in her rising. "No.  _You_ don't get it. I know you're worried that you think she only loves you because she was designed for it but why is that a bad thing? Sometimes you can't help to love who you love. It doesn't  _have_ to make sense. You just  _do."_

"You know... I can actually help you with that," Robb piped in. 

I looked at him, grateful for an excuse not to acknowledge Rhaenys. 

He shrugged. "I could... _taste_ her love. Tell you what it is."

Robb's thirst, for all rhyme and reason and his vindictiveness against those who orphaned him, his thirst was  _love._

"I don't want you to kiss her," I glared at him.

He looked shocked for a moment before breaking into a laugh. "Jealousy is an odd color on you Jon. You know there are other means for me to do it."

I felt shame then and surprised at my outburst. 

I felt a hand on my shoulder then and saw the silver lining his blue eyes. "Or maybe I could start with understanding you."

I pushed him away angrily. "Don't."

He back away with his arms raised in surrender. "Okay, okay. Chill out."

"Jon," Aegon started. "Okay, why don't you take the day off. Dany just texted that Sansa said that you can go ahead and follow her from a distance. She wants you to know  _everything_ if you want to.

I felt conflicted. "Do you... think that's a good idea?"

"Well, rather than have you brooding about not knowing. And also... rather than going about with that  _ache_ from being parted," he looked at me knowingly. 

I should've known better to hide the ache from him. 

"She feels it too, you know," he added.

I froze. 

We both felt not just a mutual pull towards each other, but also... the  _ache._ An ache I thought that only I felt - one I've developed on my own. And suddenly I felt the anger rising once more.

What else?

 _What else_ wasn't  _real_ anymore?

Was what I was feeling for her truly from  _me_ anymore? 

I get that Rhaenys thinks that meeting your soulmate should be easy and simple and maybe downright romantic as the songs and stories. 

But knowing too much about what it meant to lose freedom - to be a prisoner - to be a  _pawn..._

I shook my head. 

I had to break this bond. 

I don't what whatever it is between us to be  _forced._

Today.

Definitely today. 

I'll be setting her free.

And then... 

Come what may.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh goodness. I'm in too deep with writing this. Oh no. How did it get even more complicated? Jon has to know really soon that Sansa does love him of her own choice and that Jon was truly developing feelings for her and not because they have to be. Usually I am for those soul bonds - the instant falling in love because they've both been marked to be tropes but I like to play with the concept of free will vs predetermination. Maybe I've just been reading too many Sandman and Lucifer graphic novels lol. Anyway, I know I said it was this chapter but I had to push Sansa's talk with the others to the next one in favor of this one where we see Jon's struggle. Until next time!


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